When you are expecting a baby, you experience excitement, anticipation, a very special kind of happiness. Yet, at the back of your mind, due to all the tests you have to take along the way, you always have a small worry that things will not turn out as planned.

We had a happy pregnancy without much incident. Like many families expecting multiples, we had scheduled for a C-section. Coincidently, my water broke exactly on the evening before the planned early morning delivery. I remember feeling calm and contented as I chose to finish my dinner at home before we made our way to the hospital.

So, you can imagine our shock and fear, amidst the great joy we felt from receiving our twins for the first time, when we were informed that my daughter Isha had Down’s syndrome.

Though, strangely, it wasn’t a surprise to me. Even as a brand new mum, even before the official diagnosis was delivered, I already knew. I knew the moment I saw her, when they put her in my arms for the first time that she had Down’s syndrome. To describe my feelings then, I borrow the words of blogger and Down’s syndrome advocate, Kelle Hampton who wrote about the birth of her own daughter with Down’s syndrome  – “I know I begged every power in the world that this wasn’t happening … that she was normal, but I knew in my soul exactly what it was.”

“We had no idea what to do”

My husband and I had heard of Down’s syndrome but did not personally know anyone with this genetic difference. Finding out that your newborn is going to be different from other regular children is overwhelming. Not knowing anyone else who is similar makes it even more so.

We had no idea what to do and what to expect. Googling about it led to a lot of initial misconceptions about Down’s syndrome. Much of the online content focuses on cold medical symptoms and stereotypes. Search engines, unfortunately, do not immediately bring you to essays like Welcome to Holland and sites like The Mighty that share many warm inspiring stories of similar families, and individuals with Down’s Syndrome who have defied their diagnosis, refusing to be defined by it. 

Learning about all the things Isha could potentially struggle with, compared to her twin brother, was hard and heartbreaking. We love our baby dearly. But like most families with a child who is differently-abled, we were worried about how society would view her. We worried about whether she would receive the access and support she needs to grow and learn, just like every other child.

Building an inclusive society

Since having Isha, I’ve learned more about other disabilities that are out there, many not detectable through prenatal screening and discovered only later in the child’s life. There are also all the other ways disability can happen when you have a child. If only we lived in a society that fully supported families of children who are different in any way. We would not fear to have a child with a disability or who was different, as much as we do today.

I cried daily for the first few months, grieving for myself as much as for the child I didn’t have. I was very uncomfortable with my new title of ‘special needs parent.’  I (wrongly) thought my life would revolve around Down’s syndrome and become consumed by it.

Getting Support

The Kiwanis Down Syndrome Foundation (KDSF) National Centre that celebrates its 30th Anniversary this year, was a lifeline to us during this difficult period. It lent us strength in the first few months post-diagnosis before we were able to draw on our own. It helped us find a ‘new normal’, providing us with rich resources related to the genetic condition. The centre also put us in touch with families within their Parents Support Group. This group gave us critical tips and the emotional scaffolding we needed at the time. Meeting these families, some who were further down the journey, made us feel less alone. It helped us to quickly get back on our feet and focus on what we could do to support Isha.

The therapy-led early intervention programmes, together with the love and encouragement she received at KDSF’s National Centre gave Isha a great start in life. She became independent and confident at an early age. At two, she was able to transition into a wonderful inclusive mainstream playschool. Now, at the age of five, she attends an inclusive mainstream “big” school that helps her to not only try to keep up, but to keep learning with her peers.

The right people, the right champions

We’re learning every day that what children like Isha need the most are not medical and other experts. They need people who are willing to champion their potential. People who can look beyond their diagnosis and work with their parents to optimise their many abilities. Those who make a little extra effort to include them in events and activities where possible. My husband and I are very grateful that Isha has been fortunate enough to encounter many such champions in her life so far – doctors, therapists, teachers, other parents and caring people in our community.

Our lives have indeed changed significantly, but for the better. Our family has benefitted richly from having a child like Isha. I think I am personally more patient, compassionate, understanding and accepting of differences. My husband and I have learned a lot about child development strategies. These we have also applied, to great effect, on her neurotypical twin brother. Of course, there are challenges – which family does not have any? But we have also learned to celebrate every small victory.

Exceeding Expectations

Our little warrior, Isha, has already exceeded many of our initial expectations and dispelled many of our earlier misconceptions about Down’s syndrome. She continues to inspire us and bring joy to those around her daily with her sunny disposition and fierce “can do” spirit. By just being,  she breaks down stereotypes and shows everyone that disability does not mean inability.

I also believe that when people, especially other children, interact with her, they also learn to be kinder. They learn to be more open and accepting of differences in others. These children, my own son included, will hopefully grow up to become caring parents of children with or without special needs, and community-spirited members of society who will create and support solutions that benefit all people. After all, we will each eventually grow old and weak someday, or face testing times where we need help from others.

How we choose to narrate our lives and frame our stories can make or break us. While this turning point in our lives has been quite unexpected, we are really grateful for both our children. We are grateful for this extraordinary opportunity to re-write our family narrative and re-frame our story in a more positive and purposeful way. We hope that all families with children like Isha will find the same strength and support to do so.

Happy World Down Syndrome Day 2019!

Photos are from Li-Hsian’s personal collection.

The post My Story: The Unexpected Upside of Down’s Syndrome appeared first on Makchic.

Aisha Jamaluddin Aziz is a 15-year-old teen who likes listening to Avril Lavigne and plans to be an inclusive teacher when she grows up. She has her sights set on studying in Sweden, and she’s already preparing to achieve those goals. Aisha also has Down’s syndrome, but you wouldn’t know if at all from her plans for the future.

“I’ve got a Scandinavian thing going on right now. I’m also trying to pick up the language through an app called Drops,” she said. Aisha also volunteers in school every Thursday with the SCSOA (Special Children Society of Ampang). The students spend time with non-neurotypical students with all types of conditions, including Down’s syndrome, at Aisha’s school.

Volunteering for SCSOA is a lovely choice that has brought its own surprises, her mother Hana Jamaluddin said in a joint-interview with makchic at their house.

Hana asks Aisha if the other special needs students she helps are aware of her condition. The teen said: “I think they know, but I don’t focus on that.”

Just like any other teen

Aisha said she loves spending time with her family, friends, and cats, as well as watching romantic movies. She describes herself as being “super friendly” and is “friends with everyone in her school.”

“One of the elective classes that I do in school is to be an assistant teacher to the other students. I support them. When they go to art, I go to art. A great friend does the class with me. And I help at the library as well.”

Aisha is currently in Grade 9 in The International School of Kuala Lumpur. She is in the Life Centred Education (LCE) programme and is the only one in her school with Down’s syndrome.

First finding out

When Hana found out her newborn baby, Aisha, had Down’s syndrome, she didn’t know how to react. Like many of us, she had a vague idea of what the condition was, but not what it meant for her baby.

With the full support of her family, she started reading. Her family members left printout after printout for her to read while she was still in the maternity ward, and Hana devoured every piece of information there was on Down’s syndrome. From there, she immediately started Aisha on therapy.

“And that’s how I became successful!” Aisha interjects, laughing.

As a result of Hana’s commitment and perseverance, and with the strong support of family, friends, and school, Aisha has turned out to be content and is a happy young lady. But Hana still has her anxieties about her daughter.

“I deal with a huge sense of guilt when she’s the only one in school who has Down’s syndrome. Although she doesn’t seem to mind. It boils down to a common worry for most parents I think – did I make the right choice for my child?” Hana confessed.

Finding the right school

Hana is grateful that Aisha is thriving in school, but says finding the right school wasn’t always easy. Fortunately, things have changed now. Although it still may not be perfect, she said, there is certainly an increase in efforts towards inclusion and acceptance.

“When Aisha was born, it was very different. People didn’t really know what to do. If I wanted Aisha to participate in a certain activity, I would get an ‘Oh ok, maybe yes, actually maybe no, I don’t know’ answer.

“At that time there were very few inclusive schools, and I remember one school in particular. I had one very unpleasant reply. There was one principal who said ‘No,’ we don’t educate those kids, they are not our children.

“This was a senior educator who should have taken pride in being in a noble profession,” Hana said.

“Since then, our experience with schools and teachers have been largely positive,” she added.

Never set limits

Other than that one incident with the school principal, Hana has never really been offended by people’s reaction when she mentions her daughter’s condition.

“If I didn’t have Aisha, I probably wouldn’t know much as well,” she confessed.

“One thing that offends me, however, is when people assume that having Down’s syndrome or autism means they don’t have to have any expectations of the child. She has Down’s syndrome, she can’t play football, she can’t do this, or that. The immediate ‘No’, the fear of the lost opportunity for the child. That offends me the most.”

Aisha is undoubtedly a clear example of one who does not rest on her laurels and continues to push limits. She has tried several musical instruments including the guitar, flute and the piano. Although she doesn’t consider herself a sporty person, she does track and field in school and attempted volleyball a few months ago.

She also goes horseback riding, something she picked up when she was 12 with her mum during a mother-daughter bonding activity. Now, half of Aisha’s family rides horses too, including her cousin, Timor Abdullah, and uncle, YB Khairy Jamaluddin, who plays polo. Skiing is also a big family activity and the family tries to make a trip to Japan every year to ski.

“We learned so much from Aisha. Very early on I realise that I shouldn’t set limits for her. So when others ask me, what are my expectations for her, I always say I’d rather not have any because she has exceeded every expectation I have set out for her,” Hana said beaming.

Support that really matters

When Aisha was born, she had a minor hole in her heart, which is common for newborns with Down’s syndrome. Because her heart was healthy, she recovered quickly and her developmental milestones were not delayed as much. The biggest worry for many parents is when the heart is not stable, and they have to undergo a transplant. That impedes their growth and of course, early intervention is not available to them when they’re ill. That really hurts their development.

On top of that, a person with Down’s syndrome is more susceptible to diabetes, thyroid and other complications, so regular check-ups are imperative.

“We are very blessed and fortunate to have the means to obtain medical support. However, there are many others out there who may not be as fortunate. If there’s one thing I wish for, it’s that there is better health insurance and coverage for disabled Malaysians.

“I wish the government or any organisation would help us protect our children. If there’s a policy or a law that would help support us, why not? It would really make a difference,” Hana explained.

Other programmes that Hana wishes to see more of in Malaysia is ‘unified sports’, where children with differences join teams with neurotypical kids.

“I think sports is a fantastic form of socialisation for kids. I wish it were more of a thing here.

“The Best Buddies programme is also something that I wished is more of a thing here. It’s an international programme originating from the US which unfortunately I don’t feel has really taken off in Malaysia,” she said.

It’s just labels

What has Hana learned from her daughter?

“You cannot give up, because the rewards are remarkable!”

“And you know what, this girl doesn’t give up. She doesn’t give up ever. When she was young and breaking all those milestones, we were thinking, ‘What? She did it?’” Hana said with a smile.

Hana also added that in many situations, bringing up a child with Down’s syndrome is not different from bringing up a typical child.

“Each issue or difficulty should be isolated for what it is, and not because she has this or that. Each child with Down’s syndrome is so different from the next. Like how each typical child is different from the next. Don’t rule anything out. Fear is the worst thing to have,” she said.

“Believing and having faith in your child and ensuring that they also believe in themselves is the most important thing any parent can do,” Hana adds.

Aisha’s Two Cents

Hana asked Aisha what she would say to parents out there who have found out that their child has Down’s syndrome.

“I would say, don’t worry that much,” Aisha said. “It’s going to be okay. There will be ups and downs, pros and cons but don’t worry too much. Just continue to support them. Just treat a person with Down’s syndrome like how you would treat any other person.

“And most importantly, stay cool!”

The post What’s It Like Having Down’s Syndrome? appeared first on Makchic.

The first night her newborn twins were home, Mimpikita’s Nurul Zulkifli thought her dreams were over.

Facing breastfeeding difficulties and two screaming babies, the founder and designer of the homegrown fashion label was a bag of intense emotions. It was the busy Raya period for her label, and because the self-professed workaholic had never been away from the office like this, panicked texts had also been coming in all day for her counsel.

“At one point, on that first day, my husband said ‘Nurul, seriously, stop looking at your phone!’ He was screaming at me, and I was crying, and people kept asking ‘Nurul,  what do we do? What do we do with this and that?’” she remembers.

“I was crying and thinking: There goes my dream. Mimpikita is gone. Just like that. On the second day, I put down my phone. I told them that I can’t do anything anymore – it is beyond my control. Here I am in pain, and I’m struggling, I just cannot. I let go.”

Unprepared for baby, let alone twins

The 36-year-old is known for her professionalism and drive when it comes to the modest-wear fashion house she set up with her sisters Amirah and Syahira in 2008.

But when it came to preparation for a baby or two, Nurul said she was extremely unprepared for what was about to happen to her life.

She was an entrepreneur who happily worked 7 days a week and worried about everything being executed well. Although she had been struggling to conceive for 10 years and has been public about her fertility challenges, Nurul said she did not read any baby preparation books or attend any prenatal classes as she was deep in the throes of work.

By her own admission, this was a huge oversight, as she was already “not really into kids.”

“Can you believe it? I did not really help my sister when she had her baby or help to change diapers. I delivered at 37 weeks, three weeks before Raya. So imagine the craziness at work! I had to deliver people’s orders – I was still working up to the night I was admitted into hospital.”

On a scale of 0 to 10 of how prepared she was for a baby, Nurul said she was probably a ‘2’.

“I had the barang (things) but mentally I was not prepared. And then the maid tak sampai (had not come), and I did not book a pantang (confinement) lady! Somehow, I was pretty sure that we could all manage – I had my sisters, I had my mum …”

The day of labour

When the babies came, Nurul and her husband didn’t know what hit them.

“The first day was okay because the babies were inside the NICU (neonatal intensive care unit). But I was struggling with breastfeeding. I thought I would have been able to do it easily, so I had not asked anyone or read anything. The nurse asked me to express milk on that first day, and so I thought okay, perhaps I’m just not used to it.

“But on the second day, my babies were screaming! They screamed and screamed, and they were so small, and I was thinking ‘Why can’t I feed you?’ My aunties were telling me how to do it, and everyone was touching my boobs. I was struggling with not one but two babies, and even though they were teaching me how to do tandem feeding, I couldn’t even manage with one!”

Her emotions were overwrought, but Nurul said she did not cry in front of many people.

When she had more privacy, however, the tears did not stop flowing.

“I was crying, crying and crying. My dad said ‘What is wrong with you, you are not like this, you are strong!’

But I said I could not breastfeed and my babies were both screaming. Everything was such a struggle.”

Many, many tears

She had stayed in the hospital post-partum for five days, but when she returned home the breastfeeding difficulties continued and the babies continued to cry non-stop. In her household, nobody knew how to handle anything formula milk or milk bottle-related, so when formula was finally purchased in the end, nobody knew how to give it to the babies.

“On that day, at 8pm, I called the nurses and said ‘Please help me’. My friends also told us to feed the babies with a cup as they did not yet know how to feed from a bottle. I was scared and feeling so guilty about giving them formula.

“It was bulan puasa (fasting month), and my mum and my dad were tired. It was just my parents and my husband and I at home. I remember one night we had not slept at all and the babies were still crying at 4am. I asked my husband to fetch the breastmilk I had pumped, and he dropped the milk! He was screaming and crying and saying sorry!

When she saw her husband crying, Nurul decided she had to control her emotions.

“I just could not cry. And I saw that my mum was tired, so I asked my mum and dad to sleep. I had no milk, so I had to give the babies formula. And at 5am, they finally slept. I remember holding my husband’s hand saying, ‘We did it’. We closed our eyes. And then one of the babies cried again.”

Taking Care of Her Mental Health

Nurul remembers those newborn days as extremely dark. She ended up mixed feeding her babies but received comments from those closest to her that made her feel guilty about not being able to breastfeed them fully.

“But at the time, I was like, ‘Whatever’. I had been crying every day. Crying when I ate. I felt like it was the end – there goes my life, my business. In the mornings I would feel hopeful but come lunch time I would feel down again.

“I thought ‘Do I really love my own kids?’ I still remember thinking and feeling that, and I hate that. Yes, I hated that period.”

It took a lot for Nurul to stand up for herself to overcome these baby blues.

She had been staying in Johor Baru with her mum, and her husband went back to KL to work. “I was crying, and I wanted to go back too. I told my mum I was so depressed, and I just needed to go out.

By the third or fourth week, she had returned to KL and ventured out to her own shop despite her confinement period. This made her feel better.

“I just had to. Some people can (do this). But not me. I remember my mum asking me why my sister could do it all. I told my mum ‘Syahira is Syahira and I’m Nurul. I’m not her.’

It’s not that I’m bad, it’s just that I am not used to this. And to have two babies at one time, it was too overwhelming for me.”

Trial by Fire

Looking back now, how did Nurul cope with all the strain and struggle?

She said she kept reminding herself every day that she would be okay, and that it was a matter of getting used to the routine. After confinement and back in KL, she said she felt much better.

“I think the guilt will never end. But when I’m out, having my coffee, I feel better. And then I can play with them better later. There will always be judgment as well, but I don’t really focus on that.

“Some people say ‘Why do you leave your kids with the maid?’ I think if you feel you are okay to handle your kids on your own, then go ahead. But I cannot. Of course, I have time with my kids, but when I’m working, I need to work.

Finding a Balance

The entrepreneur makes no qualms about the fact that she still has her dreams and that she is still ambitious.

“I want things to go my way and for things to be successful, whether it is my family or business. Whatever it may be, I think we have to find a balance. I always asked God to give me children, and of course, I am a workaholic, but I don’t want my life to be all about this. I love my business but when I go home, I focus on my family.”

As to what she would offer as advice after all she’s been through?

Nurul thinks mothers shouldn’t be scared of telling people when things are not okay.

“I understand that people don’t like to be told the negative or bad side of things. Or that people prefer to keep their problems to themselves. But it’s about sharing. There are always flaws, the struggle is real. Don’t be afraid to say that it isn’t perfect, you aren’t perfect.”

Oh, and one more thing, she grins.

Prepare yourselves for motherhood and the newborn phase properly, expectant mothers!

By Laych Koh, Liyana Taff and Murni Roslim

Photo credit: Nurul Zulkifli Instagram

The post Mimpikita’s Nurul Zulkifli on Motherhood: It was anything but dreamy appeared first on Makchic.

Any parent knows plane rides can be a source of anxiety when travelling with children, let alone a dreaded delayed flight.

Politician Khairy Jamaluddin and entrepreneur Nori Abdullah’s flight back from a recent family holiday in Japan saw them stuck in a plane on the tarmac, for four hours. They had their three children with them, and one of them, Timor Abdullah, is autistic. This delay could have proved a problem.

“After an hour in the plane, the air conditioning shuts off. For anybody, not just an autistic kid, it’s uncomfortable. All cramped up in the middle seat. Everyone was panas (hot), and he started ‘stimming’,” Khairy shared.

Stimming is short for ‘self-stimulatory behaviour’, and in a person with autism, stimming usually refers to behaviours that may include hand-flapping, rocking, or the repetition of words and phrases.

When Timor starts stimming, he says ‘Go to the V van, go to bunk bed’ repeatedly.

“The van is my sister’s (Toyota) Alphard, and the bunk bed is where he sleeps. That’s him regulating himself,” he explained.

Others may not understand or feel comfortable seeing someone stimming. For Khairy and Nori however, they look back at that plane experience and Timor’s behaviour with a sense of pride.

“We were so proud of him. There were no meltdowns,” he said.

We knew he was different

Speaking to makchic about parenthood and their journey with Timor, Khairy and Nori said their secondborn taught them a lot about empathy and looking at the world in a different way, through his eyes.

They first suspected Timor was different from other children when he appeared to regress into his own world. Social interaction was a challenge. During his third birthday party, they realised he wanted to play on one slide, and nothing else.

When he was diagnosed as autistic, the pair went through different levels of acceptance. As both their families had members with special needs, Khairy and Nori said they were used to diversity. Khairy’s sister Hana Jamaluddin has a daughter with Down’s syndrome, Aisha.

“We are fortunate that both sides of the family had no issues with denial. We already had a special child, which is a blessing. There’s so much diversity in the family. It’s just that acceptance of all it meant took a while to sink in. In fact, before the official diagnosis we did take him to see a speech therapist first,” Nori said.

Learning a different world

Nori and Khairy read up about autism and decided on an approach for Timor but admitted that this changed as they learned more with time.

“At first, we went with the traditional method – Applied Behavioral Analysis – which is essentially rote. You teach them to behave in a certain way, and to conform to the world. And then we discovered a new world with (author) Barry Prizant, a world where we need to change for them,” Khairy said.

Prizant’s much-lauded book ‘Uniquely Human: A Different Way of Seeing Autism’ gives plenty of advice and details about successful approaches to autism – he offers that these approaches do not aim at ‘fixing’ a person by eliminating symptoms. People should instead, seek to understand the individual’s experience and what is going on behind the behaviour.

The book changed everything for Khairy and Nori.

“It’s all about empathy, trying to understand the world through their perspective,” he said.

Nori said she felt the book’s message about awareness and understanding was so important that she bought many copies to pass them around.

“I don’t think that enough of us share significant things, in a world where many of us certainly over-share the simplest of things that don’t necessarily make any kind of impact. It’s important to share, and I think that’s what led to Khairy deciding to talk about the book publicly and Timor more often.”

When Timor had started stimming on the plane, for example, it was a self-regulating move to calm down.

“Barry makes us understand that what he is doing is no different than us having an internal dialogue to calm yourself. Even for me, as a politician, having to speak in front of so many people for so many years still makes me feel nervous. And I calm myself down,” Khairy said.

“The only difference is I don’t say it out loud and I don’t flail my arms. But it’s the same thing. He doesn’t have that control to calm himself down. So we need to help comfort him, instead of asking him to stop.”

Motherhood

Nori said the biggest challenge so far in being a mum was trying to do her best for the family, for all the children. She also said accepting that she has a child with inherent differences that may have life long special needs, didn’t happen immediately.

“I had initially thought that if I did this or that, there was a clear way to manage autism. And then it took a while to get to be the point that … this is what it might be like forever. There is a way to get the best out of him, but you probably never have to stop doing those things.”

At night, she prepares a visual schedule for Timor for the next day, a sheet with pictures. If she does not do it, he gets antsy. He also needs structure and routine for his days, unlike other children who may like to ‘do nothing’ on some free and easy days.

Nori and Khairy also discovered that surprises are not great at all, such as celebrating his birthday at a place he already liked. “But because we turned it into a birthday celebration, he was like ‘What are you doing to my horse-riding therapy place, this is not what it is about!’” she said.

Small steps

But with the challenges come the sweetness, and there have been many special memories with Timor. Khairy remembers the time he finally managed to cycle on two wheels – “Small steps are giant leaps for him.”

As he is hyperlexic, which means he has an obsession for alphabets and letters, Timor also taught himself how to read when he was very young. Nori said he may not comprehend what he is reading, but since he figured out phonics, he loves to make shapes of letters that are precise and detailed.

“He did this big word like ‘Wilayah Persekutuan’ and ‘Sayangi Kuala Lumpur,” she said with pride.

“And you open his Minecraft and he has built something so detailed, even something his brother couldn’t do. They showed his work to typical kids and they were like ‘Wow’,” said Khairy.

“It was so nice to hear same age, typical kids go ‘Wow’,” Nori said with a smile.

What they wish was around

Nori and Khairy are doing more than just looking after Timor’s needs, they are helping other autistic children and their families with We Rock The Spectrum Kid’s Gym (WRTS), an inclusive play gymnasium in Ara Damansara they opened in December 2016.

Nori co-owns the gym with Hana and Rahmah Mahmood – Nori’s aunt. Khairy stumbled upon WRTS during a family holiday in Los Angeles in 2015 and enjoyed the gym very much with his two older sons. He broached the idea of a gym like that in Malaysia with Nori.

WRTS recently launched a programme called ‘Therapy Through Play’, featuring fun and friendly sessions for children with special needs. Crucially, the sessions will also include the sensory integration and occupational therapy these children require, and at half the price of what parents would usually pay.

Accessible, affordable therapy

“We want to make therapy more accessible to everyone. We have all the equipment in the gym, the things that therapists use. They are great for motor skills and sensory development for any child and it is super fun,” said Nori.

Her secondborn, she said, did not have a good sense of his own limbs. He needed a certain amount of exercise every single day. Children with sensory development issues need to have activities that support whatever their particular issues are, such as working on their sense of balance or being able to deal with noise as examples.

“Timor really needs to work out and sweat it out, otherwise, he will be out of sorts. In the US, you have parents going to the gym, and being their child’s own therapist, it’s the affordable way to get therapy. Anywhere in the world and in KL, if you want to see a therapist, it would be between RM150-300 per session,” Nori said.

For Nori and Khairy, this situation just had to get better for parents of special needs children. Sessions at government hospitals were not as regular as parents would like, private sessions were far too expensive, and these children needed structured play regularly and often.

“We also hope the outcome will be that family and parents play with their children more, just be with their children. Sometimes we go through this and need this too. Other typical parents can go out and play bola with their kid. I can’t do that with my kid, so how do we have a fun time together?” she said.

Parenting all boys

And what’s it like parenting three boys? From discussing cases of sexual harassment with the entire family at the dinner table, to making sure they are aware about differences and diversity, Nori and Khairy say their boys are growing up with a healthy respect for women.

“(Toxic masculinity) is not a problem in this household. The dominant figures are all female – my mother, my sisters, Nori, Aisha. We do have many conversations about respect,” Khairy said.

Nori said it was also important for them to talk about kindness and compassion, particularly as the family had children who had special needs.

The family has a routine – an early family dinner at around 6pm – which both say benefits all the children.

“It’s great for everyone. Even when Khairy is busy and needs to go for a dinner-time event, everybody can touch base during this time. We sit and talk to each other.

“So recently (the adults) did talk about what happened in BFM, for example, and the children asked, ‘What’s this about?’ There’s a way to tell the kids the truth, keep to the facts of something, but at their level. You don’t have to dismiss a subject,” Nori said.

“We said this is harassment, something not nice happened. We don’t shield them from the adult conversations,” adds Khairy.

Got it all made?

When we put it to Khairy and Nori that they seem to have it all figured out – family routines and values – both put on faces that are equals parts amused and horrified, shaking their heads.

“If you don’t second guess yourself as parents, you’re not doing a good job. Am I doing anything I can? Am I doing everything right? There are a lot of things I have missed out, but we try our best,” Khairy said.

At this point, their youngest, Raif comes in with the iPad and everyone laughs.

Screentime is a challenge for their household. Particularly for their youngest, who they say is often glued to the device.

“We didn’t really have that issue with Number 1 and Number 2, but with Number 3 we hit that busy time … so there was that interim when we said ‘Okay lah, just for this short while’. And now we haven’t been able to go back successfully, it’s rough!” Nori admitted.

And both also acknowledge that they both have anxieties about parenthood, just like any other parent.

What Nori & KJ worry about

Nori said she always has anxieties about what kind of human beings she is raising, but that she also finds joy in discovering things about her children.

An example was Jibreil’s teacher telling her that he is a nice and compassionate kid who gets along with everybody including the autistic kids at school.

“And what we want for Timor is essentially what we want for all our children and I think, in a nutshell, what many parents want – independence and a meaningful, happy life.”

As for Khairy, he said his anxieties as a father were different for each child. For Timor, he worried about independence for his son.

Father and sons

He took a breath before talking about his son Jibreil. The firstborn, also known as Cougar, had popped in unexpectedly during the interview to tell makchic: “Can I say something? My father is a great father.”

Khairy later shared: “I don’t say this in a conceited manner, but it’s difficult for him to have me as a father.”

“I don’t want him to think that my public life and achievements will overshadow him for the rest of his life. I don’t want him to think, ‘Oh I have to be like him.’ He doesn’t have to be. He might see me as someone he aspires to be like.”

Khairy said Jibreil told his school principal “Actually I’m happy he is no longer a minister” after the General Election where Barisan Nasional lost to Pakatan Harapan.

“Maybe it was a spending-time (with me) thing, but you know, maybe he doesn’t want life to be defined that way. And I was happy he said that. He didn’t tell us that, but I understood. My anxiety for him is that I want him to be his own man. He’s the eldest – I don’t want him to think that he has to be anxious that he doesn’t become me,” Khairy said.

For Raif? “My anxiety is I hope he doesn’t become addicted to the iPad,” he jests.

On a serious note, Khairy said he too found great joy in parenting, such as seeing Jibreil growing up with kindness.

“When it comes to Timor, joy is small steps, such as him being able to write something unprompted about how he feels, or to greet someone.”

“And joy for Raif is when he puts down his iPad!”

By Laych Koh

Photos are from Khairy and Nori’s personal collection.

The post Khairy and Nori: Seeing the world through our son’s eyes appeared first on Makchic.

Having led a fast-paced life of a glamorous model who graced many a fashion cover, Danielle Peita Graham first comes across as you would any celebrity – confident, cool and perhaps a little reticent.

But we are here to talk to her about motherhood, and once the subject gets well underway, the beauty warms up with a twinkle in her eye, laughing easily and often about what she goes through with her two children – Ben and Sophia.

She also speaks of her new career as a cookbook author with wide-eyed excitement, tying her love of food and cooking with her dedication to family life.

And despite her seemingly picture-perfect life, Graham was open to sharing her vulnerabilities as a mother and woman with candour and grace. When queried by makchic, she confirms that she is currently a single mother and that it hasn’t been easy.

“Yes, I’m a single mum. It’s been hard. It’s been very difficult. But you know, I choose to focus on the good things in my life, people I love,” Graham said.

We are still a family 

Her divorce from banker Patrick Khoo in 2016 was never reported in celebrity-obsessed Malaysia, where personalities’ private lives and the breakdown of their relationships are usually exposed, sometimes with excruciating detail.

We tell her that’s something of a feat, that she managed to navigate all that with a dignified and elegant silence. Graham viewed it as a no-brainer.

“For me, I think the best interest of the children is most important, you know, to protect them. Because they didn’t want that to happen, and it was already hard enough to deal with all of that,” she said.

She said she only released a short statement in Hong Kong, where she was based for many years as a model and where she has a fanbase, around the same time as she launched her cookbook ‘On the Table at Home’ in 2016.

Graham said the breakdown of her marriage was very painful as she herself was a child of divorced parents, but that she was approaching things as best as she could.

“Who wants their family to break up? I came from a broken family – you don’t go in thinking it will happen to you, you know. That wasn’t on the cards.

“But it happened – after a while, things are not working. It was very hard for the kids. But you know, we are still a family. I tell the kids he is still your dad. And I always tell them ‘You know what? You still have two grandfathers and you have two grandmothers – I try to remind them that they are very lucky,” she said.

Motherhood and its Challenges

Graham said she always wanted to be a mother and was ready to have children from the get-go.

“I wanted the baby so badly, I was ready. I was turning 30 and everything happened so fast – I was engaged, and then married and then I had Ben, all within a year. And that was 10 years ago!” she said.

She admitted her birthing experience was quite tough with her firstborn. During labour, she had to endure a second epidural needle as the first one was not inserted in properly. But everything turned out well in the end, she said, and she was overjoyed with the birth of her beautiful baby.

Her breastfeeding experience, although tough at first, turned out well as she had the help of an “amazing midwife” who helped her with the entire post-partum process.

“I couldn’t get him on at first, and there were cracked nipples, engorgement and everything. It was awful. But Jennifer was incredible and taught me how to let baby latch properly,” Graham said.

However, she said she did suffer from post-partum blues after the first six months.

“I was a mess with Ben because I felt so attached to him, and I felt like my whole life had stopped. I was quite depressed for a while. But I talked to friends and I had a good support system, with my mum and best friend coming over.”

Having children also made her want to take better care of herself, especially with keeping healthy and exercising.

“I only really started exercising 7 years ago! In my 20s I was modelling in Hong Kong, and I was partying and travelling here and there. It was life in the fast lane and very ‘me, me, me’, but I’m glad I got that out of my system. Now exercise keeps me sane,” she said.

Cooking with Love 

With all her emphasis on her children, it does not seem surprising that the cool model, who once worked with legendary director Wong Kar Wai, has reinvented herself somewhat as a passionate home cook, devoted to her home and family.

After repeated requests from followers and fans on Instagram for her family-friendly recipes in a book, she took her love of cooking for her family and friends to the next logical step. She published her book in 2016, and it contains over 70 delightful Asian and Western recipes she often cooks for her own children.

I told her that her Chicken Karaage and Chicken stew recipes are a huge hit with my own children and husband, and we immediately started chatting about other recipes that do well with children and that are easy to make.

She also shares that she caters for friends and other clients and is going to launch her own range of kitchen products soon. With all this excitement happening in her life, she still takes the most pride in cooking at home every day for her children, who clearly enjoy their meals.

Just how did she get her kids to eat so healthy?

She said she set good eating habits with them, especially the routine of sitting down as a family for meal times. “Also, I make sure they don’t leave the table until they finish their food. My dad was strict about that, so I am too,” she said.

The kids also come along with her to the market as she involves them in the selection of food, so they can appreciate and love their food.

But she faces challenges just like any mum and professes to sneak in vegetables in some dishes.

And as much as they ate well, Graham said her children also drove her a little mad with their behaviour at times. The terrible twos, she said, were particularly difficult.

“Oh, they can drive me freaking nuts. Like last night – they wouldn’t sleep for about an hour! I thought ‘Why can’t you guys just go to sleep?”

Taking Care of Ourselves

Just like any other mum, Graham said she struggles with guilt too. As a single mother who needs to work, she said she also tries to achieve a balance with the children.

But she said it was very important for all mothers to have a little break with friends or have a night out away from the kids.

“I think I need to have that. Even if it’s just one hour or half an hour, it helps me manage things and manage myself. We get caught up with taking care of everyone else and everything, so I think that’s really important,” she said.

She also feels it is important for mothers to not spend too much time worrying about what other people thought of them.

“I just don’t think about all of that, or I would get paranoid. I prefer to focus my time and energy on other things, not what other people think of me. There were negative comments when I was engaging someone lately on Instagram – I just stopped and ignored them. I had to put the brakes down.”

Despite attending the best and glitziest parties in town (she is still a much sought-after model), what’s central in her life inevitably pops up again as the conversation veers back to food.

She becomes animated when talking about taking her children to the local wet market, where she is friendly with the fish traders to get the freshest fish.

“That’s very important to me!” she says emphatically.

The fish traders, as well as other market traders, often pop up on her Instagram account, and her children are often involved in the selection of fresh produce for their weekly shop.

Single Parenting is No Walk in the Park

We talk about Graham’s positive mindset and her many smiles and happy posts on her social media platform, but the Irish-Malaysian Chinese beauty assures us nothing is ever so perfect and delightful.

Graham said single parenting was a challenge and there had been many tough and painful times she had to deal with in private.

“I had a therapist for a while, and that really helped me a lot. I had time to breathe, to heal. Of course, on some days, I’m a mess, I cry, I’m in my room, but I just don’t need to share that with the whole world. That’s taking care of myself, allowing myself to have those feelings.”

Having gone through these tough times has also shaped her outlook on raising her children.

She worries about the possibility of her children getting bullied because she was bullied in school too, especially after she started doing television commercials when she was 14.

Most of all, Graham said she always tells Ben and Sophia that it is very important that they are kind and that they work hard.

“They don’t need to be the prettiest or the smartest in class. I tell them – you need to be the most hardworking ones and you need to be nice. It really doesn’t matter if a person is not nice to you, you just walk away.”

By Laych Koh

Chicken Stew with Potato and Carrot Recipe from On The Table At Home

Serves 4-6. Total preparation and cooking time: 45 minutes

500g  organic chicken thigh fillets, skin on

4  tablespoons vegetable oil

6  thin slices of ginger

1  red onion, cut into wedges

1  garlic clove, thinly sliced

3  potatoes, cut into wedges

2  carrots, cut into large chunks

2  tablespoons white sugar

1  teaspoon white pepper

1/2  teaspoon sesame oil

2  tablespoons oyster sauce

2  tablespoons soy sauce

3  cups chicken stock

2  spring onions, thinly sliced

1  tablespoon coriander (cilantro) leaves

Steamed rice, to serve (optional)

1. Rinse and pat the chicken dry with paper towel. Cut into bite-sized pieces.

2. Heat 1 tablespoon of the vegetable oil in a large saucepan over high heat. Add the ginger, onion and garlic and cook for 5 minutes, or until fragrant. Add the chicken and cook for 3 minutes, or until browned on all sides. Transfer the pan contents to a bowl and set aside.

3. Heat the remaining oil in the same saucepan over medium-high heat. Add the potato and carrot and cook for 2 minutes, or until slightly golden. Return the chicken mixture to the saucepan and stir to combine. Add the sugar, white pepper, sesame oil, oyster sauce, soy sauce, and chicken stock. Stir gently to combine. Cover, bring to the boil and cook over medium-high heat for 10 minutes. Reduce the heat to low and simmer for 20 minutes, or until the chicken is tender.

4. Arrange the chicken stew in bowls and scatter over the spring onion and coriander. Serve immediately with steamed rice, if desired.

Win win win!

The limited edition family set is now available to purchase from www.onthetableathome.com. It is priced at USD$89 for online orders to South East Asia (Malaysia included) and will include:

• A signed copy of ‘On the Table at Home’ cookbook
• A 7-inch Japanese Santoku all-rounder adult knife
• 5-inch Child-friendly round tipped knife
• A pair of lightweight multi-purpose kitchen shears

They are made from high-quality German steel and feature a modern grey soft thermoplastic rubber handle for easy use.

One lucky winner will be able to win the limited edition family set. All you need to do is fill up this form and tell us ‘What is your go-to one pot dish or meal that your whole family enjoys, and why?”

Be sure to submit your entries before 26th April, 2019!

The post Danielle Graham: ‘Who wants their family to break up?’ appeared first on Makchic.

In Indian homes, a baby’s arrival is met with very unique, traditional rituals. These rituals have been practised and passed down for hundreds of generations. One of these long-held traditions is the much treasured Indian baby bath and massage.

While many cultures also perform baby massage (the Koreans believe regularly massaging the legs will make a baby taller, Russians massage their infants until they are a year old to strengthen and develop muscles), Indian tradition also practices the great bath for babies. Typically performed by a maalishwali (masseuse) or the baby’s grandmother, it is a traditional bath on the legs. One such massage was even captured in a 1906 clip from the British Film Institute.

Indians believe the detailed Ayurvedic rituals of both bath and massage help babies build muscle tone and improve their health.

Makchic speaks to an Indian postnatal service provider to get an insight into the customs and rituals modern-day parents want to preserve.

Preserving traditions

Thirty-nine-year-old Kalaivani Rajeswaran runs a confinement centre called Precious 30 Days with her husband Prosper Raj. They provide postnatal services and help for mothers who want to follow Indian traditional rituals for their newborns.

Kalaivani said one of the most traditional aspects of taking care of a newborn baby is the traditional oil massage and bath. During this ritual, a baby is massaged with coconut oil, sesame oil or a mix of other oils from head to toe.

Kalaivani begins by using a gentle herbal oil, made from virgin coconut oil infused with holy basil, Indian oregano and aloe vera for the baby massage.

“A traditional massage starts from the body and ends at the legs. I use gentle downward strokes for the arms and legs, and circular movements for the chest and stomach areas. This promotes good blood circulation.

“The massage uses soft kneading methods and this includes the practice of crossing the baby’s arms and legs. A good massage usually takes about 15 minutes but more time will be given if the baby suffers from constipation.

“The massage develops muscle tone and acts like baby exercise. It helps the baby sleep well too,” she explained.

Then comes bath time.

Traditional Indian oil massage and bath

It is believed that a hot water bath on an oil-massaged body soothes and relaxes it. The baby is laid on the outstretched legs of the person who is giving the bath, with the head positioned at the ankles. The babies are given a bath while placed on the legs because it is easier to handle a slippery baby that way.  Many Indians believe this is also a lovely opportunity for skin-to-skin bonding with the baby.

Kalaivani avoids the use of chemical-based products such as shower gels and baby shampoos.

Instead, she makes her own traditional, special blends. She uses gram flour, powdered lentils and other powders, to bathe the baby.

“The baby is then laid on outstretched legs, doused with water, rubbed all over with the bath powder and rinsed clean.

“Although many babies cry during the bath, the after-effect is calming and relaxing for them,” she said. Many parents also attest to their babies sleeping soundly after their bath.

Once the bath is done, Kalaivani will blow the baby’s ears. This will prevent water from entering the ear canal. Then, the baby is towel-dried and smoked with the Indian incense called sambrani, which is also part of traditional practice.

Controversial customs

During the olden days, it was a common practice to squeeze a newborn’s nipples to get rid of the milk inside. Although some still do this when bathing a newborn, the practice has been deemed controversial.

This is because the milky discharge or Witch’s Milk from newborns’ nipples is quite common for babies, an effect from the exposure to hormones during pregnancy. Squeezing the milk out can cause bacteria to enter milk glands and lead to an infection of the breasts (mastitis).

Kalaivani prefers to stick to science when it comes to this ritual.

“I don’t practice squeezing the nipples to take out the milk. Mishandling can cause serious injury to the baby, especially if you don’t know what you are doing. I don’t encourage anyone doing it,’ she added.

With modern mothers all over the world now convinced by the benefits of baby massage, it is not surprising that Indian mums continue to follow their traditions of the massage and bath. And with great sleep beckoning for their little babies, who can blame them!

Apart from Precious 30, there are countless other postnatal service providers that offer Indian traditional confinement packages to suit the high demand.

Businesses like Shaymala Confinement Service, Thanuja Maternity Care Confinement Services and Anu’s Mom Confinement Care Malaysia provide traditional packages, some of which come with added services like confinement food for the mother.

The post Mums of the world: The traditional Indian baby bath and massage appeared first on Makchic.

The first three months of pregnancy are usually a secret and tranquil joy for mothers, but Lisa Surihani enjoyed no such privacy. When she was pregnant with her first child in 2015, the actress found herself hounded by the media – her every step, move and comment scrutinised and publicised.

Having suffered a miscarriage earlier, she was wary and worried about saying anything before the crucial three months were up. But a reporter had broken her trust and published news of her pregnancy anyway. A media frenzy ensued for her and her husband, artiste and director Yusry Abdul Halim.

“Within the first three-month window, reporters and others were asking us whether it was true. Because we were not cooperating, they were then calling my mother, my mother-in-law and my brothers-in-law,” she told makchic in an interview at her home.

Under pressure and feeling distressed by it all, Lisa ended up hiding her entire pregnancy throughout.

“It led to me not wanting to show any pictures of the bump. I felt I was so objectified as a person, and that everything was a source for a story. So I refused to feed (the frenzy). There were two ends of the spectrum – some people were like ‘Oh just leave her alone’. There were others who went ‘Why eh mengade sangat, tak nak tunjuk perut?’ (Why do you not want to show your bump?)”

Labour Pains and Joy

The persistent attention on her first pregnancy continued even after her daughter Yahaira Leanne was born, with her baby’s time of birth even published by entertainment blogs before an official announcement.

“It was all very overwhelming. I think as a new parent, you want to embrace and appreciate a lot of these moments, rather than juggle the expectations or the exposure to those not within your close circles in life,” she said.

This sequence of events led her to become very private when it came to Yahaira’s arrival into the world, with Lisa trying to keep the meaningful times for their own family.

But she remembers Yahaira’s birth with great joy and even some laughs. Having practised hypnobirthing and being fully prepared to have a natural birth, Lisa finally had to have a C-section after 28 hours of labour due to cervical dilation that did not progress.

“I did not want her to go through a traumatic birth. The doctor said she was quite stuck and I wasn’t dilating, so we thought it’d be safer for her to ‘go out the window’ in the end.

“She came out within half an hour! I heard her cry, and then I said ‘Alhamdulillah’. She was so pink, and I thought aloud could it be because of the sirap bandung I had been having,” she said with a laugh. Lisa said the birth of her second child, son Yusof Leonne, was less dramatic as she had an elective C-section.

The baby blues

For Lisa, she is grateful that breastfeeding did not prove to be a difficult experience, but she did, however, develop some symptoms of postpartum depression. She experienced horrible thoughts for both children postpartum, and she said this scared her very much.

“It was scary – I went through thoughts that were awful and scared me so much. I felt it was important for me to share it with my husband, but I did not even tell him the details of my thoughts. They were awful.

“I thought – Eesh, kenapa I fikir macam ni, tergamak aku fikir macam tu (Why am I thinking like this, how could I have the heart?) … In my case, I think I was lucky that it wasn’t a severe degree. It would come and go. But it would make me weak in the knees.”

The experience made Lisa think a lot and she tried to make sense of the situation in a scientific way. “The brain is such a unique organ, isn’t it? I wondered if it was because I’m an intense person when it comes to emotion, even way before pregnancy.

“Is that why you have these chemical releases in the brain, combined with hormones that are fluctuating at the time? I couldn’t help wondering whether I was crazy. But I told myself, “Your brain is sending you all these false signals which are … not you,” she said.

As time went, things became better. She had Yusry to confide in. She did breathing and affirmation exercises to help her pull through. Her family, especially her mother, helped in their daily routine with the new baby. Looking at her baby often also brought “a lightness to (the) heart”, she said.  She also put on classical music and baby-versions of popular songs every day, as well as Quranic verses every Friday.

“I’m very much a child at heart, so I also watched a lot of animations. Every little bit helped.”

Pantang problems

The actress also did not have the best start to her confinement period with Yahaira, as her confinement lady left her feeling very stressed as a new mother. The confinement lady she had booked kept wanting to change the terms of her employment. Worst of all, her manner and care often left Lisa feeling distressed.

During one occasion, she said, her confinement lady insisted on continuing her urut tungku (the Malay traditional postpartum massage) even as her baby was crying for milk.

“I was leaking milk and felt that my baby needed my milk, but the confinement lady said, ‘Let me finish my work first.’ I was shaken and confused. I said, “But, I need to feed my baby.”

Eventually, after much crying from her baby, the confinement lady finally allowed Lisa to feed her baby.

“When my baby latched, you could tell she was so hungry, it broke my heart. I broke down and cried. (The confinement lady) freaked out, saying ‘Eh janganlah, nanti meroyan’ (Don’t do that or you may get depressed).

Angry and stressed

I was angry at myself. I should have told her, that as a mother, and knowing fully well that my new baby was hungry, I should have fed her. And that the massage could wait,” she said.

Lisa said she was so stressed by the entire experience and did not like the energy in her home anymore.

Her husband was concerned and unhappy with the situation too. Yusry told Lisa: “I really feel this is not good for you, stop her (services). If you need me to say it, I will.”

Both decided to let the confinement lady go. Thanks to good friends, they managed to employ two different people for the remaining two weeks, even with such short notice. She had a Malay lady doing the urut and tungku, and a Chinese lady who cooked confinement meals for her.

“It may have gotten to a rough start but it was an experience which I learned a lot from. Technically, I only had a good routine for two weeks, but it helped me a great deal in my recovery. I believe in pantang, and I felt it made a difference – how you take care of your body and what you consume.”

Motherhood challenges

She may be one of the biggest stars in Malaysia and used to a wide variety of performing roles, but Lisa admits the role of motherhood has proven to be the most challenging and fascinating.

Typical motherhood challenges trouble her. “I have failed many times in my parenting journey!” she shares.

For example, Yahaira is a very picky eater – plain bread, French fries and plain rice are her preferred options. “And mihun with literally nothing in it! Very seldom will she take other food groups like protein and iron. At the moment, she gets that from her milk.”

But Lisa does not want to force meal times on her daughter.  “I try every day. Maybe it’s a phase she is going through. Hopefully, in time, her taste palates will expand. I will have to persevere.”

Explosive toddler tantrums have left her feeling helpless, and sometimes she has ‘lost it’ herself.

Lisa understands, however, that Yahaira was perhaps experiencing big emotions for the first time. “I tried asking her to do deep breaths, I showed her how. Miraculously, it seemed to have worked since. Deep breaths and a hug seem to calm her down well.”

Social Media Madness

Like any other parent, she has debated about her children’s photos on social media, but unlike most parents, she deals with a lot of unwelcome attention.

Things that she has said, as a matter of fact, are often twisted to imply she is denigrating other parents for their choices. It made Lisa concerned. “We have other celebrity friends who are also parents. And all of us are understanding enough to know everyone has their own parenting ways and principles.”

When many fake accounts with her daughter’s name appeared after Yahaira’s birth, Lisa’s comment to the media that none of these were real sparked controversy.

“All we explained when asked was that our daughter did not have her own social media account yet. We added that we would be posting pictures when it was suitable.“ That answer itself resulted in a backlash.

“Quite honestly, we were just responding to questions and not wanting to make it a big deal,” she said.

Cruel comments

And online comments can still make her livid.

“There was one time I posted up a family photo, and my son was in there. By way of comparison, I posted up Leo’s photo a lot sooner than (I did) Yahaira, and somebody said ‘No wonder anak kedua ni boleh post awal-awal, anak pertama tak pulak dulu kan? Yalah, sebab anak pertama ni tak berapa cantik (No wonder she posted a photo of this second child earlier, and not of the first child, right? Yes, it’s because the first child isn’t very beautiful).’

Lisa replied that it was up to her when she wanted to post photographs and that her daughter is and would always be beautiful to her eyes.

I wrote: “Saya doakan awak sembuh” (I pray you get well). And then it came out on the blogs quickly. In hindsight, however, it made me think – Wait, was this bait to provoke me? I realised I must be careful with the way I react, because sometimes it may just prolong things. So nowadays if there is anything even remotely negative or something I dislike, I will just block and delete. I negate the negative.”

Even with that stance, Lisa has found she can’t win sometimes – she faces criticism about just wanting pujian saja (only praise).

But she has learnt to become more zen and philosophical about things. “It is better if we have the positive outweigh the negative in life.”

Parental Bliss

When it comes to talking about positive things and the joys of parenting, Lisa’s eyes brighten. Her whole body moves animatedly with expression.

She loves doing oral interpretation when she reads to her children – dramatic reading that uses different voices for different characters. Lisa has read up about phonics and whole word reading. She continues to teach Yahaira about empathy and consent – her daughter knows how to say ‘No means no’. Most of all, she loves learning about her children’s personalities, and she has learnt new things about herself too.

“Motherhood is one of the best things that happened in my life. They always say, love yourself. I love myself, but I don’t fully understand that notion. Even now, I’m still trying to understand that.

“We mothers tend to put others first – our kids, our husbands – and we get things in order and manage everything. So what is ‘love yourself’ first? Is it ‘me time’? Does it mean manicures and pedicures, spas and massages? But I think it goes deeper than that. I think that is something I’m still learning about as well, trying to fully understand what loving myself means.”

You got this

Lisa said she is on a journey of discovery still, learning to be a better version of herself every day.

“Every night before I go to sleep, I ask myself ‘What did I like about today?’ I am trying to truly embrace being grateful with what I have. To truly feel syukur (grateful).”

And her message to fellow mothers out there?

“You got this. When the odds are against us, it is because we are tough. And the tough get going.”

The post Lisa Surihani and Motherhood: “I felt so objectified as a person” appeared first on Makchic.

It’s 4.00pm on a rainy Wednesday afternoon, and the Malaysian Parliament is in session. As I’m ushered into a meeting room for my interview with Yang Berhormat (the Honourable) Hannah Yeoh Tseow Suan, I’m told by her senior secretary, Jennifer, that Members of Parliament have been debating issues late into the night. 

YB Hannah Yeoh is no exception. Hers is one of the busiest portfolios, being Member of Parliament for the Segambut constituency, and serving as the Deputy Women, Family and Community Development Minister. She could be called back into Parliament to vote at any given time, I’m informed.

Such is the need for urgency of action. Over a year in after the monumental events of 9th May 2018, the euphoric glow of Pakatan Harapan’s victory has started to flicker, giving way to the nation’s expectations that this new government walks the talk, posthaste. And indeed, walking the talk and making a change is what lies at the forefront of Hannah’s mind.

It is a credit to her sense of responsibility that, even in the midst of this busyness, she carves out her valuable time to sit down for a chat with Makchic about politics and parenthood – issues dually close to her heart.

On Politics

We speak first about this world that she has been immersed in over the past decade. From starting off as the Selangor State Assemblywoman for Subang Jaya in 2008, to being sworn in as Malaysia’s first woman speaker in the Selangor State Legislative Assembly in 2013,  the political arena isn’t exactly new to Hannah.

Yet, GE14’s turn-of-the-tides has thrust Hannah into a role of larger responsibilities – and less personal time. “It was a move for me out of my comfort zone,” she says, of her new status quo. “I was very excited, but at the same time, I knew I would have less time with my children at home”.

As a former lawyer turned events manager, turned politician, Hannah was inspired to enter a career in politics, driven, in her own words, by “a desire to do what is right for my generation, and just to be counted.“ As she says this, idealistic as these words may seem to the cynics out there, they nevertheless carry a genuine ring of truth on Hannah’s part.

View this post on Instagram

I need to get used to this. Pretty overwhelming.

A post shared by Hannah Yeoh (@hannahyeoh) on Jul 18, 2018 at 7:54am PDT

Just another day in the life of a Minister 

Struggles and Setbacks

Hannah credits her increased profile for giving her the opportunity to be able to work on policies of significance that can be translated nationwide (such as her work with the protection of child rights), calling this her “greatest motivator for coming to work every day“.  

That isn’t to say though, that she hasn’t suffered some setbacks in our new government’s bid for change. “Lack of data,” she says, with an air of frustration, when asked about the challenges posed to her. “There’s not been enough done for many years“. 

As a Christian however, Hannah attributes her faith in God as her motivation to keep pushing forward, yet staying grounded. “My God talks a lot about servanthood, about serving the people without expecting [a] reward in return. Only God can reward me. That means I don’t do things for promotion, or position, or for the praises of man,” says Hannah resolutely.

Not content with just “cutting ribbons“, as she puts it, she also speaks of the heavy sense of responsibility and accountability she feels – to her God and to the rakyat. 

On Parenthood

It is in the midst of this discourse on the highs and lows of life in the public eye that I turn to Hannah’s life in private. I ask her about her equally important role as wife to her beloved husband, Ramachandran Muniandy, and mother to two beautiful daughters, Shay Adora Ram, eight, and Kayleigh Imani Ram, five.

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Worshipping the Lord with the one and only song I can play and amazing how the juniors marvel at our handicap as though it's our strength

A post shared by Hannah Yeoh (@hannahyeoh) on Mar 21, 2019 at 8:29am PDT

Quality time with her daughters.

The weariness on her face from the demanding day lifts momentarily as she describes the differences between her girls.

“Shay is very mature for her age, into a lot of girly things. Kayleigh is more innocent, she’s not into any of the girly stuff. It really doesn’t bother her if she’s not wearing a hairband [unlike Shay]. But both of them love their gadgets – which means I have to be very careful when I don’t have time with them that they don’t spend an excessive amount of time on [their devices],” she says, in the oft-repeated (and very relatable) refrain of every modern mother dealing with the issue of kids and technology.

Life Lessons

I ask Hannah if she could share some of the most valuable lessons she has learnt as a mother. She cites a conversation that she had with her husband, “the leader at home” and her source of guidance and support, shortly after the birth of their first daughter in 2008, as being a key teaching point for her.

Hannah recalls an incident in the early days, of her carrying her baby daughter in one hand, with her other hand being permanently attached to her mobile phone. “[My husband] told me, it’s meaningless if I make time to be at home, present [yet] not really present with them. I might as well just go out to work. That hit me; that when I’m with them, I must make the most out of it”.

She is also a firm believer in the importance of spending quality time with her children. “If I don’t do it now, I will have to pay the price when they are teens when they rebel! It’s better to start off right. So even though I struggle a lot now, juggling my time to make sure I find that balance, I’m hoping that it will pay off when they’re older.”

Commitment, Compassion and Child-Proofing

Admittedly, achieving this ever-elusive goal of “work-life balance” is something that Hannah continues to grapple with. “I’m still adjusting and struggling with this new timetable. It just means that I really have no time for myself…[not even] two hours to just walk in a mall to destress [or] time to take an afternoon nap! I don’t think I have the answer for this, but just prioritising and make my time with them count. I don’t want my daughters not to even have any memories of me providing any meals for them, so when I have a rest day, I try. Even though I don’t have time to cook them a luxurious meal, I try and make them, at least, pasta in a pot!“, she says with a self-deprecating laugh.

Her love for her family is evident, and her commitment towards doing right by them in the best way she can is admirable, particularly given the many directions she’s often pulled away in.

Hannah’s compassion as a mother has also helped to shape her as the leader she is today. “Spending time with people matters a lot to me. I do that a lot with my residents; paying attention to the details. Being a mother helps me to be more sensitive to the needs of children. Things that I would never [have been] concerned about last time, now concern me – [like] when I’m walking up the stairs, up to Parliament, [and I wonder] “Is it child-proof? Is it safe? What are the potential dangers?”

Of Friendships and Fathers

I also raise the subject of her daughters’ multicultural heritage (they being of mixed Chinese and Indian backgrounds), at a moment in time presently fraught with undertones of simmering racial tension. Hannah is both conscious and respectful of a need to foster a love in her daughters for the beautiful diversity in Malaysia. She stresses the importance of her girls appreciating the Malay language and having friends from different communities and backgrounds from their own.

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Sunset

A post shared by Hannah Yeoh (@hannahyeoh) on Apr 18, 2019 at 6:43am PDT

Role-modelling – Ramachandran with their 2 daughters. 

When asked about her advice to fathers on how they can help to raise strong, empowered young daughters, her reply is emphatic. “Fathers need to be that protective figure for girls, to lead. They have to show a good example in marriage to their girls because they will use you as a yardstick for the life partner they choose and for the men that they will settle down with.”

Hope for the Future

Hannah’s musings on families lead, invariably, to our continued discussion about her role as Deputy Women, Family and Community Development Minister. I am curious about the intended changes that the government plans on making, in order to safeguard a more hopeful future for Malaysia.

“With regard to areas of priority, for me as Deputy [Minister], I want to put in place [safeguards for] the protection for children. The first and immediate thing we are working on is a “Working with Children Check” to ensure that every person who is going to work with children or have access to children, must go through the basic screening of [having] no [prior] convictions. We’re targeting to have that completed by 2019. We [also] need to save and use the money within the government on meaningful projects…cutting down on expenditure, partnering a lot with NGOs, not wasting unnecessary resources and just networking to share resources.”

She also credits Malaysia’s move to appoint more women leaders in key positions, such as Deputy Prime Minister Datuk Seri Dr Wan Azizah Wan Ismail and Bank Negara Governor Datuk Nor Shamsiah Mohd Yunus, as a step forward for the nation.

Addressing Social Issues

Next, I raise the fiercely debated topic of child marriage in Malaysia. Despite a growing call for the government to eradicate this practice, Hannah concedes that the issue might not be as clear-cut as it seems. “A lot of people say wipe out child marriage, without understanding [what this means]. Their minds immediately think about the 40-year-old men with 10-year-old girls, when those are not the majority cases. For grooming cases, I’m all for wiping them out and that would mean you filter it by ensuring that these people are charged for grooming. But for teenage pregnancies, teenage sweethearts- with a lack of sexual education in Malaysia…how do you resolve it?

Championing causes that keep children from harm.

“If you say no, what happens to the [unborn] child in the child’s womb? What happens to the welfare of the illegitimate child? I’m all for banning child marriage, but you have to be responsible also to all these young lives. So there are things we are working on – we need to make sure to, number one, enhance our sexual education and number two, raise the compulsory age for education [for girls in schools] to 17 [from the current age of] 12.”

The cause of working mothers and the issue of female participation in the labour force are also matters of significance to Hannah.

“To bring mothers back to work, you need to ensure that there is good support infrastructure, to ensure that their kids are taken care of. One of the first things I want to do is impose compulsory childcare in government offices. We also hope to encourage the private sectors to give subsidies to their staff, send their kids to registered childcare centres [and] encourage employers to adopt flexible working hours [or allow their staff] to work from home. We are working closely with TalentCorp Malaysia under the Ministry of Human Resource to talk about some of these issues.”

Parting Note

Our time for the interview is drawing to a close. Before I depart, I ask Hannah about the legacy that she hopes to leave behind – as a political leader, as well as a mother. She pauses for a moment, slightly pensive as she reflects on this question. “I think I want to leave behind a record that, during my time as a Deputy Minister, I’ve done everything I could; I’ve explored everything to make Malaysia a safer place for our children.“

She’s far from done for the day- there is another interview to attend to, immediately after this one, before Hannah heads back into Parliament for another long night. She stands up, shakes my hand and straightens her shoulders, the same shoulders that are helping to carry the weight of our nation’s future on them, before taking her leave – ever honourable, ever hardworking, ever Hannah.

The post In Session with Hannah Yeoh appeared first on Makchic.

By 17, most girls would have started menstruating.

If you have never had your period by this age and you think that this is normal, it is not.

If you are scared and confused, and you think that you are the only one with this condition, you are not.

It has a name. It is called Mayer-Rokitansky-Küster-Hauser Syndrome, or MRKH for short. And thanks to Nur Syazwani Abdul Rahim, or Wani Ardy, there is a growing awareness in Malaysia that some women are born without a womb.

What is MRKH?

MRKH Syndrome is a condition that affects 1 in 5,000 female babies worldwide. The cause of the condition is yet unknown. However, at some point during the baby’s development in her mother’s womb, the reproductive system does not develop fully.

Girls with MRKH are often diagnosed in their teens. This is because babies with MRKH have a normal outward appearance. However, their womb (uterus) is very small, if not missing completely. The same could be said about their vaginal canal. In some cases, girls with MRKH may even miss a kidney, suffer from hearing loss, heart, hand or limb, and skeletal defects.

Wani Ardy and MRKH

I knew Wani Ardy as a singer and a writer; a woman who is passionate about the literary scene. Like most Malaysians, I was completely unaware of MRKH until Wani informed me of her condition. It is rare enough in Malaysia that it is included in Malaysian Rare Disorders Society.

However, with her advocacy work in raising awareness about the condition, more women are now reaching out to her after they are diagnosed with the syndrome. I decided to meet with Wani to learn more about the MRKH syndrome and her own journey with the condition.

Wani Ardy’s Road to Diagnosis

It all began in 2001 when her concerned aunt raised red flags and prompted her own mother to seek advice from a doctor. By then, Wani had noticed the differences between herself and her friends.

“I started to notice that I was different from most of my friends when we were in the changing room for our PE class in school. Most of them have hit puberty and their bodies were developed, whereas I still looked like a girl. I didn’t get my period yet. I realised then that I was different, and that something was not right.”

She met with many doctors and most were stumped by her condition. Ultrasound scans showed that she does not have a uterus. Back then, doctors could not put a name to the symptoms.

It was left to Wani to search for her own answers, based on the test results from her doctors. Her internet search led her to Christina Ruth, the founder of Beautiful You MRKH Foundation, the first MRKH support group based in the U.S. They began to communicate. That was in 2013.

The Birth of MRKH Malaysia

In 2015, Wani Ardy decided to start her own Malaysian support group for MRKH women. “I was doing a lot of research by then and saw that most Western countries had these support groups and there were none in Malaysia.”

These groups were mostly discussing issues related to body and self-confidence. However, Wani realised that Asian women with MRKH were dealing with issues that went beyond physical appearances, such as broken marriages, social isolation and cultural stigma. These coupled with the more inhibited nature of Asians made her feel that a support group catering to Asian women was sorely needed.

“I think it is also the fact that Asian women put so much importance on the idea of marriage and motherhood – becoming a wife and a mother. This MRKH is a definite curveball.”

MRKH Malaysia as a Support Group

When she first started MRKH Malaysia, the group had only 3 members, including herself. The other 2 members sought her out after they saw her discussing her own issues with MRKH on a local television programme. One of them approached her after a performance.

“All this while, my exposure to other MRKH women was only through Skype. To meet, talk and hug another MRKH woman face to face was surreal. We both cried.” This is why Wani Ardy firmly believes in spreading awareness and speaking out.

To date, MRKH Malaysia has 85 members, with many applications yet to be vetted by Wani. The group serves as a support system for MRKH women and a topic that is most often discussed is motherhood.

MRKH and Motherhood

Wani is adamant that women with MRKH are not considered as victims, and that they can lead a life like most women- as a wife and a mother. Wani herself is a mother to a 7-year-old son, whom she raised from birth. She also provides information and support to members when it comes to dealing with the social, physical and emotional repercussions from having MRKH.

When I ended the interview I was blown away by her tenacious spirit of advocacy and the positive spin she puts on MRKH women in Malaysia.

“I want MRKH women to know that they are not subjected to live a lonely life, or being an outcast, because of it. In the earlier days, that was the only option. Now, we have alternatives, and ways to improve our quality of life.”

What Wani Ardy Wants You to Know:

How would I know if I have MRKH? What are the symptoms?

The biggest sign that you might have MRKH is when you have never experienced menstruation by the time you are 17 years old. If your period is irregular, or you have stopped having your menses for a year or so, you are not an MRKH woman.  A woman with MRKH would have never had her period during her pubescent age, until adulthood.

I think I have MRKH, what should I do next?

Book an appointment with an obstetrics and gynaecology (OB-GYN) specialist and express your concerns over your MRKH symptoms. If possible, seek consultation from PPUKM as it is the only hospital in Malaysia with MRKH researchers. You can request for an ultrasound and a laparoscopy, a procedure where a camera is inserted vaginally to look for a uterus.

Upon diagnosis, if you are looking for support from other women with the same condition, you could do so with MRKH Malaysia. You will need to provide your medical report to gain admittance to the closed group.

Can I have my own kids?

Currently, there are only 2 options for MRKH women to have their kids biologically. These options are surrogacy and uterine transplant. Unfortunately, surrogacy is not legal in Malaysia, and uterine transplant is not yet available locally. For Muslims, this is partly due to an ongoing discussion between the local government and religious bodies to determine the Islamic Fatwa regarding the transplant procedure.

For most women with MRKH, adoption is a good option.

Will I be able to enjoy sex with my partner?

Any woman could enjoy sexual pleasure. With MRKH, there are 2 options available for sexual intercourse. One is a non- surgical option which is know as dilation therapy. This involves the use of a dilator to gradually form a deeper vaginal opening for the purpose of sexual penetration. The other is a surgical procedure that would create a vagina in MRKH women, known as vaginoplasty.  And yes, with proper plan and treatment, you will be able to have sexual intercourse.

The post Born without a womb: What You Need To Know About MRKH in Malaysia appeared first on Makchic.

I was 19 years old in London, having just started my first term at the London School of Economics. It was an exciting time, my first time living on my own in one of the most exciting cities in the world. One night that November, we were at a theatre on Leicester Square, watching a comedy show. The show ended and I remember standing up from my seat. The next thing I knew, I was being woken up by paramedics. I had fainted and they needed to take me to the emergency department. Riding in an ambulance was not how I pictured ending that night. The life that has unfolded for me since was also not how I imagined things would ever be.

At the hospital, they performed an electrocardiogram (ECG) that detected some ‘worrying’ results. The attending doctor told me with little bedside manner that I “might die”, so they needed to admit me. Unfortunately, they couldn’t figure out what was going on during my ten-day stay in hospital, even though they ran some fairly invasive tests. They only said it wasn’t the fatal condition they first suspected.

The most common condition that you’ve never heard of

And that was the start of a six-year journey across two countries, several doctors (including one who told me my symptoms were “all in my head”), across multiple medical disciplines and many different medical tests before I arrived at the actual diagnosis: Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS for short). Finding out that it was real and not just “in my head” was a big relief. But since there is no cure for this condition, my journey with POTS is likely to be life-long.

In a healthy person, standing up results in blood vessels contracting and a slight increase in heart rate to maintain bloody supply to the heart and brain. But for a person with POTS, too little blood returns to the heart when moving from a lying down to a standing up position, also called orthostatic intolerance.

Fainting, blurred vision, headaches, heart palpitations, weakness, tiredness, digestive issues and sleep disorders are common symptoms. It’s the most common condition that you’ve probably never heard of. Public (and medical professional) awareness for POTS is low, despite a prevalence rate of around 1 in 100 people, which makes it more common than multiple sclerosis and Parkinson’s disease. POTS can be so debilitating that up to 25% of patients report being so disabled that they are unable to work or go to school.

Click here for 10 Facts About POTS.

Can it be cured?

Currently, there is no cure and no medication specifically approved for the treatment of the condition by any health authority worldwide. Any treatment prescribed is off-label and efficacy can vary between patients. For me personally, the Internet ended up being a goldmine of information. Once I knew the name of my condition, I could refer to the experience of many others around the world. My experience has been that the disease will flare and then go into remission.

I was quite lucky that my condition was manageable. I had a few bad days here and there, but from sheer determination I finished university, got a job and could work mostly uninterrupted.

In 2016 however, I suddenly experienced my worst flare. I couldn’t stay upright at all without feeling dizzy, nauseous or end up fainting. After a meal, I used to bloat so badly that I looked a few months pregnant. It had never hit me that hard and for so long. My medication that had managed the symptoms just suddenly stopped being effective. I was forced to take a sabbatical from work. Luckily my workplace was supportive, allowing me to take time off while I recovered.

Determined to get better

In order to get better, I was only left with attempting alternative treatments. I started with a change in my diet and followed an exercise protocol developed by The Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia, USA for POTS patients. It was hard to walk on most days, much less get onto the reclining bike at the gym or follow the protocol. On most days I would be so ill after trying. But I kept going, and after about two to three months I could actually function like a normal human being.

What got me through all this was a determination to see things through – my wedding was that December. I was determined to be well enough to enjoy it. To be honest, if it wasn’t for me and my family’s own online research and discovering patient advocacy organisations such as Dysautonomia International, I believe I would still be very sickly today. POTS is a form of Dysautonomia (pronounced dis-otto-no-me-uh), an umbrella term that includes many different diseases of the autonomic nervous system.

Dysautonomia Awareness Month

October marks Dysautonomia Awareness Month and as I am perhaps one of three patients who have a formal diagnosis of POTS in Malaysia, I decided to embark on a local campaign on my own to raise awareness. The global campaign is “Turn the town turquoise”, and Menara Kuala Lumpur graciously agreed to change their lights to the campaign colour on October 26^th. It’s the the first landmark in Asia to participate.

I’m making ribbons and raising funds amongst family and friends to be put into printing information leaflets on dysautonomia and POTS, to distribute to as many doctors as possible nationwide. My experience – sitting across from many doctors who couldn’t help me and feeling so helpless – is not something I want someone else to go through. Patients will likely have to be their own advocate, suggesting tests and medication on their own.

Counting my blessings

It’s a long and frustrating journey but you also walk away stronger, more empowered and wiser. You don’t take simple things for granted, because you never know when a flare might take away your ability to live a normal life. Which is why I am the person and mother that I am now. Pregnancy alleviates the symptoms for about 50% of patients, potentially due to the increase in blood volume. I was extremely lucky that since giving birth my symptoms are still minimal.

Every day, week and month that I am well and can spend being a healthy, able-bodied and present mother to my son is an incredible blessing. My biggest fear is that my symptoms return. But I think the same strength I found before will help me cross that bridge if it does.

By Balqis Heggie

Balqis Heggie is a POTS warrior, who believes that every thing happens for a reason, even the hard things. A proud mother to Theodore Johann Heggie, she works in operations and strategy in financial services by day, and is a baker by night through her side hustle Baker Bee. 

All photos courtesy of the writer.

Anyone who would like more information on POTS or dysautonomia can visit www.dysautonomiainternational.org, an organisation at the forefront of patient advocacy worldwide. People can take this information to a trusted doctor, and request that they perform the tests required for a diagnosis.

The post My Story: Dealing with a medical condition doctors said was “All in my head” appeared first on Makchic.

My love story was a whirlwind romance; my husband and I met and married within a year. Ups and downs were many, from financial issues to difficulty in conceiving a child.

After seven years of marriage and a host of fertility treatment, we welcomed a bouncing baby boy — the light of our lives. Our next challenge; our miracle child was diagnosed with autism at age two. We took this in stride. We embraced the fact that our son is a special child on the spectrum. He just experiences the world differently.

Through it all, my husband was always my hero. What came next, hit us like a ton of bricks. My husband was diagnosed with stage-3 colorectal cancer. My hero and rescuer needed to be rescued. I watched the strongest, bravest and fiercest man I know, turn into a patient that was poked, prodded and subjected to a multitude of tests, only to have his spirit broken by each doctor we met. To say it was a difficult time would be an understatement. 

Never did I imagine that I would go from Miss to Mrs to Special Needs Mother to Cancer Caregiver in a span of 9-years. How did I cope? Here is my honest answer: I just did because there was no other option. I decided to put together some salient points from my journey, who knows it might help someone else out there.

Asking for help

There is no shame in asking family and friends to lend a helping hand in times of need. I had an incredible support system. In that moment, I could not think twice but to just ask for help. Between my parents, my sister, and my nephews (grown-up boys of 16 and 18), I was able to accompany my husband for most of his treatment and doctor’s appointments.

Prioritising my presence

While my support system was (and still is) awesome, everyone has their own lives to lead. There were times when I was not able to accompany my husband for treatment, and it broke my heart every single time. Occasionally, other family members accompanied my husband, but on many instances, he went on his own. In retrospect, I believe that not treating my husband as a patient all the time helped him get back on his feet a lot faster.

Always taking his side

My husband’s case was complicated, but I stood by his choices! No matter how many doctors told us that his only option was the colostomy bag for life, I fully supported his decision to explore options. Snide remarks and sarcastic comments were aplenty as we searched for alternatives.  This was one of the hardest parts for me as a cancer caregiver. 

My husband’s relentlessness finally led him to find a doctor in India who could perform the surgery, and avoid the permanent colostomy bag. 

Planning for my son in my absence

My husband underwent two surgeries in India. We had to leave our son back home as my role as caregiver in a foreign land took precedence. Luckily, my support system was ever ready, but I still had to prepare them ahead.  At times, changes in routines upset my son, so we had to transition him to his alternative routine. We did some dry-runs of sending him to school in different cars with different people and planned solutions to mitigate meltdowns. I created lists, schedules and had family meetings to plan everything out. Planning was no easy feat, but the hardest part was missing my son.

Taking a break for myself

I am not ashamed to admit that  I took many time-outs for myself. Whether it was just an hour having lunch or coffee by myself or taking a drive to decompress.  My daily guilty pleasure is Netflix. This is how I wind down every day. I think all cancer caregivers should take time for themselves regularly without feeling guilty or judged.

What helped me most?

Family and friends who could not visit us often, called and sent messages regularly to check-up on us. I always took the time to reply.  Along the way, I made some new friends, rekindled some long-lost friendships and ended some toxic friendships. I am happy to have the love and care of those I still call family and friends today. What helped me the most? Those who reminded me that I needed care too. Caregivers should care for themselves in order to be at our best.

Needless to say, this whole experience changed our lives.  We stood strong together and did not let cancer beat us down.  My husband is now free of the colostomy bag, although he still needs close monitoring and tests every six-months. We are thankful for each day we have together as a family.  No one knows what the future holds,  but it is important to always stand by the ones you love, live in the present and learn from the past.

The post My Story: A Cancer Caregiver’s Perspective appeared first on Makchic.

“We need to enter their world and show them the way out,” said Raun K Kaufman, the first to benefit from the Son-Rise Program.

Son-Rise is an approach used successfully for individuals with autism ranging from children to adults. The Son-Rise Program sees autism as a social-relational disorder, not a behavioural issue. A positive attitude and the belief that “our child can achieve more” is key to practicing the Son-Rise techniques. Take the cue from your child – observe them, play with them and only when they are ready, use their motivation to teach them skills.

Initially, I was rather skeptical about the programme. However, after attending a workshop by Embrace Autism (a Singapore based NGO) and a talk by Raun Kaufman (his parents founded the programme,) I made the decision to join the Son-Rise Start-Program in Malaysia conducted by Raun Kaufman and Kate Wilde.

Since then, my family and I have tried our best to implement the techniques at home with my four year old son with autism.  Here are some techniques that we found easily implementable:

1. Joining your child the Son-Rise way

Join our children in their world! Yes, as controversial as it sounds, this has worked  for me. Instead of stopping our child’s self-stimulating behaviours or stims (referred to in the programme as “isms”) the Son-Rise  method invites us to join them. If your child enjoys jumping up and down, or flapping, or spinning – join them! It would be best if you did this with the same level of excitement as them. Why? To get their attention, increase eye-contact and joint attention. However, you should not join any activity that is harmful or inappropriate.

My son loves jumping on the bed. So, I jumped up and down on the floor, facing him. We had so much fun together, he looked at me the whole time, laughing gleefully. After jumping up and down for about ten minutes, he sat down with me to complete three puzzles.

2. Identify “Button Pushing”

All children (neurotypical and atypical) push our buttons all the time. Kate Wilde, in her book “Autistic Logistics,” writes a whole chapter on identifying “button pushing” and overcoming it. The first clear sign is when our child looks for our reaction after doing or saying something.  They may smile, look at you or some may announce that they are doing something which they know you do not encourage.  How do we overcome this? Do not react. But do not ignore completely either. Tell them that their actions do not bother you. My son developed an interest in pinching. Initially, I would scream in pain or scold him. So, I changed my reaction. As he pinched me, I just said, “You know Haans, I don’t know why you are doing this. It really does not bother me.” Naturally, he pinched me harder and continued looking for a reaction. I remained calm (as hard as it was) and did not react despite the pain. Eventually, he stopped and he has not pinched me since.

3. Reduce control battles

I realised that the most common word I used with my son at home was “no”. We would have battles over what he should not and could not do, take or play with. This would eventually end up with a minor tantrum or a meltdown. Taking one of the best tips for me out of  Autistic Logistics, “Remove control battles in your house.”

Part of the Son-Rise approach to help with flexibility is giving control. So, we rearranged our house to ensure that our son could go where he liked without being told “no”. By doing this, he seemed happier and in the instances where we did say “no,” he understands that we meant it.

4. Non-negotiable boundaries

While the approach sounds like we give in all the time, it helps us to set boundaries too. Setting non-negotiable boundaries are important, but the parents play the most important role here. My son had a habit of flooding our kitchen with water from the sink. Instead of scolding him repeatedly, we fixed an additional point below the sink to cut off the supply to the tap. He no longer goes to that sink anymore. We also installed a custom-made gate to our kitchen and at the staircase. This way, he would understand the boundaries of not going to certain places without us having to reprimand him.

5. Zero screen time

We went from having the tv on all day long with some intermittent use of mobile phones to zero screen time in a span of a day. Yes, the approach recommends complete elimination of screen time. Since Son-Rise sees autism as a social-relational disorder, human contact is highly encouraged, therefore, the parents need to be the center of attention for the child. Furthermore, it would be impossible to join a child who is too fixated on a screen. The idea is for us to join them in their world, connect with them, and help them communicate better when they are ready. A screen or gadget is a deterrent to that.

There are many more techniques in the programme. There are also workshops organised by Embrace Autism and by the Autism Treatment Center of America or ATCA (the birthplace of Son-Rise). If you wish to try out their techniques, I recommend reading “Autism Breakthrough” by Raun Kaufman and  “Autistic Logistics” by Kate Wilde.

Contributor Desiree Kaur previously wrote My Story: Beginning My Journey With a Special Needs Child and My Story: Seeing the Beauty in their Uniqueness.

This article is based on the contributor’s own experience with the Son-Rise Program. It does not necessarily represent an endorsement by makchic.

The post My Story: How I Bond with my Autistic Child appeared first on Makchic.

Today is World Down Syndrome Day (WDSD). It has been observed on 21 March by the United Nations since 2012, as a means of raising awareness about the genetic condition. The day is celebrated on this date because it symbolises the 3 copies of the 21st chromosome, the genetic anomaly which leads to Down’s syndrome. Typically, the nucleus of each cell contains 23 pairs of chromosomes, but an extra copy occurs in people with Down’s syndrome, altering the course of development. 

WDSD has special significance for my family and I because I have a 6-year old daughter who has Down’s Syndrome. Last year, on WDSD, I shared Isha’s story publicly for the first time with Makchic readers. Isha and her friends from the Kiwanis Down Syndrome Foundation National Centre also starred in a YouTube music video which received a lot of support from everyone.

“We Decide”

This year, the theme for WDSD is “We Decide”. This meaningful call to action states that “All people with Down’s syndrome should have full participation in decision making about matters relating to or affecting their lives.”

Just like you and me, an individual with Down’s syndrome also desires to have lifelong personal development, rich personal relationships, high quality education, good healthcare, fulfilling work and livelihood, recreation and leisure, and participation in public life.

Building an Inclusive Society

Since having Isha, I’ve learned more about other disabilities that are out there, many not detectable through prenatal screening and discovered only later in the child’s life. 

There are also all the other ways disability can happen to both children (and also adults). The global Covid-19 crisis has showed us that disease does not discriminate. Unexpected life-changing accidents can also occur.

If only we lived in a society that fully supported families of children who are different in any way. We would not fear to have a child with a disability or who was different, as much as we do today.

Like all parents, I too hope that both my daughter and her neurotypical twin brother will grow up to become productive members of society. My dream is no longer an unrealistic one for Isha as there are now many more stories of young adults with Down’s syndrome like Megan McCormick who has completed college and Ali Hale who is earning an income and living an independent life.

However, here in Malaysia, there is still a lot that needs to be done to build an inclusive society with an inclusive workforce, where everyone can contribute to the best of their abilities. It really starts first with providing Inclusive Education opportunities for children like Isha.

Inclusive Education – What It is, What Is Isn’t

Inclusive education is when all students, regardless of any challenges they may have, are placed in age-appropriate general education classes, either in public schools in their own neighbourhood or private schools of their choice. It recognises that all students have the right to receive high-quality instruction, interventions, and support that enable them to meet success pursuing the core curriculum.

Fully inclusive schools, public or private, are still rare in our country. When Isha was ready to progress to primary school, my husband and I visited 14 schools and had some pretty heartbreaking experiences before we found an inclusive school for both our children. 

Many well-meaning people we meet usually ask us if Isha is going to a special school, as in many people’s minds, a child with special needs is best served by a special education environment that only caters to such children (this is the “segregation” model). I would like to tell you that that is not always the case. A special child who can cope is always better served by being in a fully inclusive school that does not separate “general education” and “special education” programmes. Such schools are structured so that all students learn together in the same classroom.

Inclusive Education differs from the “integration” model of education that is currently delivered in public schools with special education streams, which tend to need learners who have learning and other disabilities to change, become “ready for” or deserving of accommodation by the mainstream. By contrast, Inclusive Education is about the child’s right to participate and the school’s duty to accept the child.

Why Inclusive Education Honours ALL Children, Not Only Those with Special Needs

Of course, Inclusive Education greatly benefits children with special needs. We have experienced it for ourselves as Isha has been very fortunate to have been able to transition from a special school into an inclusive playschool and later into an inclusive mainstream private school. By watching how regular children move, play, talk and interact with each other, she has been able to learn how to integrate into mainstream society, something that just books and regular lessons cannot teach her. Many people have commented how much she is like a regular child – her actions, her movements, her speech. That is the power of inclusion.

However, I would like to position this premise to parents of regular neurotypical children: Inclusive Education will also greatly benefit your children. Your children will not only have an opportunity to learn about diversity – racial, cultural, physical and also neuro diversity – by being and interacting with children who are different from them, but they will also benefit from a system that actually honours all children, all their different abilities and superpowers.

It Is More Than Just Academics

Every parent wants a school that will on a basic level deliver the school curriculum successfully, but we also want more than that. As parents, we all believe that our children are “unique little snowflakes”. 

Are you a parent who wants a school with teachers who will take time to learn about your child’s strengths and weaknesses? Do you want a school that will take time to discover how your child learns best? After all, different children learn through various ways: visually, aurally, verbally, kinesthetically or physically, logically, socially or in a solitary manner.

A school that is inclusive and practices Inclusive Education will be able to provide this, not just for children with special needs but for all children. Such a school will have a culture, environment and teachers who are sensitive, who will take time and care to discover the individual needs of each child, and to help them reach their true potential.

In my daughter’s old playschool, the teachers were so sensitive and caring that they helped to uncover children who were seemingly regular but actually had some special learning needs. In my twins’ current school, even my neurotypical regular son is thriving as the school honours his special quirks and personality traits.

See Possibilities Where Others See Limitations

Even if I did not have a special needs child, I would still want my children to attend a school like this. And I hope that in time, the Malaysian Government will be able to provide true inclusive education for all children in Malaysia, not just the few of us who can afford it privately. Then maybe we would have less cases of teenage depression and suicide that we see more and more of in the press. I believe that some of these cases could be related to the pressure children who learn differently feel when stuck in a rigid mainstream system. I hope that there will be, in time, not just acceptance for neurodiversity but also a deep appreciation for it.

With Inclusive Education, we will hopefully be creating a world with more children who are accepting of differences, who have bigger hearts, who are open-minded, see possibilities where others see limitations and most of all, able to realise their full potential.

These children, my own son included, will hopefully grow up to become caring parents of children with or without special needs, and community-spirited members of society who will create and support solutions that benefit all people with different needs and different abilities. After all, even if we do not have a disability, we will each eventually grow old and weak someday, or face testing times (like now) where we need help from others.

Happy World Down Syndrome Day!

Resources:

• How to teach  your child to include classmates with disabilities.
• If you have a young child, you might like this picture book.
• If your child has a classmate with a disability, you may like to look at this list together.

Show your support:

• To help celebrate WDSD, we invite you to wear mismatched socks and share postings on social media today.
• Socks are used as a fun symbol because chromosomes are shaped like socks and people with Down’s syndrome are born with an extra one and do not have a typical pair for chromosome 21.
• Don’t forget to tag us!

The post The Importance of Inclusive Education, and Why It Should Matter to You appeared first on Makchic.

“Stay at home!” was the firm warning recently issued to all Malaysians, who are now trying to grapple with their altered reality under the government’s recent Movement Control Order (MCO). We have been asked to remain indoors for four weeks in a crucial bid to #flattenthecurve of the COVID-19 pandemic.

But how do we live out our new normal, when there are still pressing deadlines to meet and bills to pay? Significantly, with the closure of schools all across the nation, how do we as parents effectively balance our increasing childcare obligations with a productive work-from-home arrangement – while still maintaining a tether on our mental health?

With Team Makchic predominantly (and proudly!) consisting of Work-From-Home Mums, we’re sharing some productivity hacks we’ve picked up along the way to help you through this challenging period:

1. Set up a designated working area

Get into the right headspace when it comes to work. To be effective, you have to mentally separate your role as a parent from your role as a professional. Do the same with your workspace.

Set up a designated kid-free area or home office to enable yourself to focus on your tasks at hand. It shouldn’t be anywhere as tempting as the bed or the sofa – and it helps if this space can be sealed off with a door to keep distractions at bay.

Some parents find that putting up physical signs on their doors to indicate a “do not disturb” zone (e.g. using red “stop” or green “go” signs, or affixing a note or ribbon on their doors) can help with defining boundaries. Explore creating these signals with your children, explaining their significance to teach your kids to respect your space.

Also, get out of those comfy PJs in the AM! Flip the mental switch for yourself (and your kids) from home to work mode by dressing up presentably in the morning. Studies have shown that employees can engage in their tasks more effectively when they are attired in clothes that carry “symbolic meaning.” So put those work clothes on to start “feeling” the part and your kids will gradually grasp this distinction too.

2. Work strategically

The early bird gets the worm – or, in this case, the substantial work is done – before the household awakens. It’s certainly a sacrifice, but many work-from-home parents find that their productivity levels peak in the mornings due to this uninterrupted time. Even if you don’t manage to complete any mammoth tasks, just sitting down with an early cuppa and reframing your thoughts can help you to organise your day effectively.

If you’re just not a morning person, however, make sure to utilise your nights well after your child heads to bed. Resist the temptation to Netflix the night away and use this time to focus on your work instead.

Capitalise on naptimes as well if your kids are still taking naps. Use this timeframe to focus on your high-priority work. Schedule calls or videoconferences during this block and tackle your less time-sensitive tasks when your kids are awake.

3. Set up a daily schedule

It can get more complicated when your partner is also working from home alongside you. My husband, our stir-crazy toddler and I spent the better part of MCO Day 1 struggling to adjust to this delicate balance, before figuring out what we needed to do. Work out a proper daily schedule.

With your kids:

Avni Patel Thompson, the founder and CEO of Modern Village, has some practical advice on how to set up a schedule that works for you and your family. Make sure to include time for both education and entertainment in the day, and don’t be afraid of utilising (healthy) screen time, if necessary. Check out quality content providers such as Common Sense Media, Scholastic or Go Noodle, as well as Makchic’s Instagram page (and our @mumsofmakchic account) for recommendations on fun activities and ideas for your kids at home.

Remember as well to post up your schedule in a prominent place in your home, so that everyone is aware of what’s happening at any given time.

With your partner:

Be considerate of your partner’s needs. Tensions can quickly escalate in a confined situation, but understanding and communication are key. Before the start of each new day,  discuss with your partner about your respective work obligations and expectations for the coming day. Identify the times when each of you will need to focus on uninterrupted work and try to accommodate each other’s timings in your schedule.

If you’ve got an urgent deadline to meet, let your partner know so they can help to keep the kids at bay while you concentrate. And if your workload isn’t as strenuous for the day, offer to take on the bulk of child-caring for a bit. Your partner will appreciate the breathing space.

4. Take regular breaks

As important as it is to stay focused, it’s equally as important to give yourself regular breaks throughout the day. Doing so shakes up the sense of monotony and helps to refresh your productivity levels.

Giving your kids adequate time and attention is also crucial. Having some bonding time with your children for 20 or 30 minutes every couple of hours helps the family to stay connected. As a bonus, you’ll often find that your kids are less likely to interrupt your workflow after they’ve had some much-needed quality time with you.

Take this opportunity to leave your work stresses behind. Be silly with your kids, play, dance and engage with them, cuddle them or simply be present in the moment with them. After all, you don’t usually get the chance to do this in your normal day-to-day working life – so treasure this opportunity while you can.

5. Safeguard your mental health

Watch what you surround yourself  (and your kids) with

Day in and day out, we’re inundated with COVID-19-related news reports and updates. It can get overwhelming, to say the least. Stay informed, but stop engaging in an atmosphere of fear and anxiety. Doing so often has a spillover effect on your kids too.

Allow yourselves to take a breather from the news by limiting your social media checks throughout the day – and try not to have the television on in the background. Keep focused on the positives, even while keeping safe at home.

Practice social distancing, but not social isolation 

A pervading sense of loneliness and lack of motivation can easily set in when you’re cooped up for too long. But social distancing doesn’t have to mean losing the human connection and sense of community that we all need.

Stay in touch with family members and friends throughout this period by utilising WhatsApp group chats, FaceTime, Google Hangouts, Zoom videoconferences, good old fashioned phone calls – whatever works! And remember to check in often with your loved ones to reassure them that they’re not alone.  Physical distance should never be an excuse for an emotional disconnect.

It’s comforting to note as well that many organisations have adapted to our changing times by helping communities to stay connected, even while practicing social distancing. Whether it’s online fitness classes that help us stay healthy indoors, streaming services by religious organisations, or commendable local efforts to help out those affected in Malaysia, we say: get up and get involved!

And finally:

Be kind to yourself 

We know: it isn’t easy trying to juggle parenthood with productivity at work.  Stop beating yourself up if your perfectly planned day doesn’t go according to schedule, or if you let your kids indulge in a little bit more screen time than you would have ordinarily liked. These things happen! If you, or someone you know is feeling overwhelmed, this is a list of support groups and professionals that may be able to help.

Allow yourself some grace, recalibrate your thoughts and your timetable. Resist getting sucked into the guilt trap of over-performance and start afresh tomorrow. We wish you all the best, parents – stay safe!

The post Working from Home: 5 Productivity Hacks for the Pent-Up Parent appeared first on Makchic.

“Never a day goes by that I don’t try,

Seldom a moment comes by for me to cry

Neither a day nor a moment comes by to defy

The cry, which I try to defy until the day I die.”

I am a father to a special child on the autism spectrum. While I know how hard it is for me, I can’t help but wonder how much harder it is for my son.  I always ask myself, “How do I find my son in me? To understand and build a bond tighter than a knot?”

April is Autism Awareness Month and I would like to share my journey with my son, Haans, who turns five this year.

Building an invisible bridge over a virtual fence

As I watch him grow at lightning speed, his littlest achievements are celebrated with the greatest joy.  I try not to say, “don’t do this” or “stop doing that.” I have tried various methods of exuding my authority over him, but that just creates more boundaries with him. Does he surround himself with an invisible fence? In addition to various challenges, the fact that he is non-verbal is something that keeps me up at night. Communicating effectively is always a challenge.  It just breaks my heart to recall how I used to raise my voice at him before he was diagnosed.

The learning process is not limited to learning about him, as he has become my teacher as I learn to communicate with him. I’m now sitting on his side of the fence, trying to look for answers. Simple daily activities are challenging. I find myself gobbling down my meals when we go out due to his restlessness. However, with patience and persistence, our outings these days are much better. He knows how to wait for me to finish my meal. One of the biggest achievements yet.

The Language of Love Through Expressions

We both share one true passion – long drives to nowhere. He loves it, to an extent of course. I’m still trying to figure out why certain routes trigger a small meltdown. What does he see or feel? I have no clue yet, but I have faith that things will improve sooner or later.  There is an indefinite time frame set for children on the spectrum.  I have heard of stories where they just wake up one day and stop what they did yesterday. As the phrase from the movie goes, “Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re going to get.” My favourite kind of chocolates are those with raisins, and I’m still waiting to be surprised with that.

Haans has taught me that I need to change my tone and my facial expressions as he looks at my face to see if I’m still upset while he cries in defiance. It hurts me so much to see him look upset. It’s like looking into a mirror. So, what does that tell me? He is trying to say that this is the only way he knows how to communicate. Oh, my Haans! How much you love me, how much you teach me, how much I hate myself for not being able to have understood you earlier.

The rough rollercoaster life I had growing up doesn’t even come close to what my son is going through. He may want to say so much to me, but he doesn’t know how to. Hence the body language and expressions become lesson number one.

Dark Clouds Lurk at the Back of my Mind

I am a mere mortal like everyone else, with an invisible expiry date. Will my son ever make it out to lead an almost normal life? Will he be able to fend for himself? Will he ever raise a family of his own? Can he handle a relationship? Can he handle rejection, disappointment, falling in and out of love, will he be bullied or looked at differently all his life?

There are so many fears that go through my mind constantly with no end in sight. I pray for my fears to remain just that, fears that don’t turn into reality. Will we be able to see him through before our time is up, to see him lead a fulfilled happy life? All of my fears remain question marks as I cling on to the hope that there is a rainbow behind every dark cloud.

A Sparkling Rainbow Awaits

My hopes for him are endless, just like any father out there. Every day without fail, I pray that he continues to develop. I hope he improves his ability to understand the world around him and to master living skills so he may be independent. I hope he will be able to differentiate between right from wrong,  evaluate the good from the bad and communicate verbally.

My son has undergone three surgical procedures to date, and he is not even five yet! A tongue tie release operation, a scope to remove a coin he swallowed, and the third – a most harrowing experience to remove adenoids and fix his glue ear. This procedures has improved his breathing and hearing dramatically! Every day we hope that his speech develops too.

His cheekiness is just adorable – from pretending to sleep, to suddenly climbing up on me while I’m taking a nap; or when peeking from the shower to see if anyone is watching, and then flooding the shower area at the same time! What I have come to learn is that I must stop creating boundaries and try my level best to be in a good mood the entire day. Yes, even if I have a bad day at work or have had challenges coping with my health as a cancer warrior.

My son has made me venture beyond my comfort zone, to see myself through his eyes. I will continue to build an invisible bridge across his virtual fence. It may be a long journey, but I will never stop trying.

—

By Narajeevan Ramaswamy

Nara is a cancer warrior and father to a boy with autism. While the last 3-years were filled with cancer treatments and procedures, he continues to run his businesses. He also advocates strongly for cancer patients and counsels fellow warriors like himself.

Nara is husband to our regular contributor, Desiree Kaur. 

The post My Story: Being a father to an autistic child appeared first on Makchic.

When Sue* was beaten and strangled by her abusive husband during the government’s Movement Control Order (MCO), the thought of remaining captive at home for the duration of the lockdown was too much to bear. She wanted out.

She sent a desperate plea for help to the Women’s Aid Organisation’s (WAO) 24-hour WhatsApp service. Concerned for her safety, WAO quickly alerted the special unit under Royal Malaysia Police, the Sexual, Women and Children’s Investigation Division (D11). 

In Sue’s case, the system worked in her favour. She was successfully rescued on the very same day. And after receiving medical treatment for her injuries, she was escorted home to retrieve her belongings and placed in a safe house.

Others may not be as lucky.

Intimate partner violence against women is pervasive

Here are sobering numbers when it comes to violence against women; One in 3 have experienced physical or sexual violence and 243 million women suffered abuse in 2019 alone. An average of 137 women are killed by her own family each day. And closer to home, an estimated 8% of women suffer from intimate partner violence nationwide.

These numbers are alarming even without the threat of a pandemic.

But with Covid-19 and lockdowns, vulnerable women are finding themselves increasingly isolated. And when you add the strain from health concerns, unemployment and financial insecurity, they create “a perfect storm for controlling, violent behaviour behind closed doors,” according to the UN Director for Women, Phumzile Mlambo-Ngcuka.

It is a growing shadow pandemic during Covid-19 contagion

We are already seeing an escalation in domestic violence incidences worldwide. The number of police reports tripled in Hubei, China after strict lockdown was introduced. A state-run drop-in centre in Brazil recorded a 40-50% rise in just a couple of weeks. The leading British domestic abuse charity, Refuge reported a 150% increase on hits on their website.

And worryingly, not only has there been an increase in the number of cases, there is also an upward tick in the severity of violence inflicted. Campaigners have identified 16 Covid-19-related domestic abuse killings in the United Kingdom alone. 

And Malaysia is not immune

When the Women, Family and Community Development Ministry announced that the Talian Kasih hotline service for those seeking advice on a variety of issues (including domestic abuse), would be suspended during the MCO, the decision was met with loud public outcry. It was quickly reversed and the hotline is now running 24 hours, 7 days a week.

It proved to be the right move. Talian Kasih received an alarming 57% increase in calls just 9 days after the MCO was introduced. While the Ministry later clarified that not all calls were related to domestic violence, it points to similar trends of escalation observed elsewhere. 

The largest crisis support and shelter for abused women and children in Malaysia, WAO, also recorded an upward trend from February to March. And it is steadily rising with the extension of the #dudukrumah period. They experienced a 148% increase in calls and enquiries since the beginning of the MCO, with the highest number of enquiries recorded in April- more than double that recorded in March.

In an interview with makchic, Tan Heang-Lee, Advocacy and Communications Officer for WAO explained that “domestic violence is fundamentally about maintaining power and control, and in times of crisis, these factors can aggravate an abuser’s desire to maintain power and control.”

It is not always physical

According to Superintendent Siti Kamsiah Hassan of PDRM’s D11 Division in Bukit Aman, 409 cases of domestic violence were reported in the first month of the MCO. And the majority of reported cases involved physical violence.

However, it is important to remember that domestic abuse goes beyond the physical.

When Malaysia led Asian countries in being first to introduce laws to protect victims against domestic violence in 1994, it was narrowly focused on physical and sexual violence, as well as destruction of property. This definition was expanded in later amendments to include a broader range of acts of abuse, including threats and intimidation, intent to insult the modesty of victims and introduction of intoxicating substances without consent.

In lockdown, seeking help can be difficult

It has been disappointing to note the absence of leadership from the Ministry of Women, Family and Community Development in addressing this very real threat to women in lockdown. The lack of clarity over Standard Operating Procedures (SOPs) at the beginning of the MCO meant that many women were left uncertain on how they could obtain protection during lockdown.

“For example while some police stations have successfully carried out rescues of survivors from their abusive homes, there have been other cases where survivors were turned away at police stations and told to return after the MCO,” shared Tan. “Another challenge would be the uncertainty over how to obtain court-issued Interim Protection Orders, now that court operations are limited,” she added.

Clear and consistent messaging from the government is key

With the alarming increase in incidents recorded as the MCO went on into April, a more coordinated effort by the government to address the issue began with Senior Minister Datuk Seri Ismail Sabri’s urgent call for victims to come forward and seek help from the Ministry of Women, Family and Community Development, as well as the Royal Malaysia Police.

This was later reiterated in a statement by Superintendent Siti Kamsiah Hassan, who urged the public to intervene by reporting any cases of abuse and crime in their communities.

It proved to be effective. WAO hailed the efforts by the government, saying it signalled a clear and effective response to domestic violence, encouraging survivors and bystanders to step forward.

If you need help, here are the steps you could take:

1. Contact the police

Seek help from the nearest police station. Do not let the restrictions under MCO prevent you from receiving protection and making a report. And if you cannot leave the house, make a call to 999 to affect a rescue from your home. Should you need further protection, you can ask the police to assist you in obtaining the Interim Protection Order (IPO).

2. Head to the nearest One Stop Crisis Centre (OSCC)

OSCC is located in Accidents & Emergency (A & E) Departments of selected public hospitals around the country. It is an inter-agency and patient-centred initiative that not only provides medical treatment for your injuries, it also allows you to lodge a police report, seek counselling, find a temporary & safe shelter and provide cash, if needed. All in one convenient location.

While implementation may vary from one location to another, the 24-hour access makes OSCC a vital service and support for many women. It is also operational during MCO and takes precedence over other non-emergency cases in the A & E.

3. Call a Hotline 

Not all Hotlines are open 24 hours, but, Talian Kasih and WAO provide round-the-clock services during the MCO.

With volunteers operating on 8-hour shifts,  WAO Crisis Support Officer Jane said she found the that calls coming in were quite varied in terms of what was needed. “I had to be aware or know how to link the caller to the correct organisation/ agencies,” she told makchic.

She said women who called in often wanted to enquire about their options after domestic violence. One such caller, she remembered, said she felt better after being briefed about what she could do next.  “Before I ended the call, I asked her how she felt and she said she felt calmer and clearer as to what she needed to do. I felt I managed to empower her to go ahead with what she wanted to do.”

4. Ask for protection and shelter

If it is a matter of urgency, you could request for an Emergency Protection Order from the Social Welfare Department or JKM.

Despite operating the largest shelter in Malaysia, WAO is currently running at maximum capacity. Tan sadly shared, “Survivors have contacted WAO asking for shelter and we have been unable to place them anywhere. Some survivors have resorted to sleeping in their cars, only to be caught by the police.”

There is a clear and urgent need for more temporary shelters, especially with the extension of the Conditional MCO to 9th June.

5. If you are not ready to leave, develop a plan. 

Leaving safely may require some planning and WAO has outlined clear guidelines on their social media platforms. In cases where women risk further abuse if they are overheard asking for help, Tan advised, “Ask friends or family to agree on certain code words or phrases, which would alert them to continually check in or to call the police.” When in danger, slip the code word or phrases into your messages.

It is easy to picture women with limited education and access to financial resources as victims trapped in these situations. This is a myth. The reality is, this could happen to anyone.

Here are some numbers you could call if you need more information/ to seek advice and help:

If you would like to help WAO, the best way you could do so is by donating to support their work in running the 24-hour Hotline, shelter, child care centre, counselling and social work services. You could donate to:

Account Name: Women’s Aid Organisation

Bank Name: CIMB Bank

Account No: 80-0238299-7

The post When You Are Not Safe At Home During Covid-19 appeared first on Makchic.

Lessons to Learn, Lessons to Teach

• When I was a teaching assistant, I was extremely close to the children during non-class times, and I would watch them play independently with great interest. For it was during playtime you would really see the children’s personalities come to the fore. The most troubling children in class could surprise me with such tenderness and creativity, and the smartest children could shock me with their mean-spiritedness. Playtime was the crunch time – it was the time the children honed and experimented and polished and tweaked all their social muscles and skills.

• As a teacher now, it still blows my mind when the children in my class write certain testimonials (we have this thing in our class) about their friends. Very often the children will write things like ‘So and so was kind because she/he let me play with her/him today’. Imagine that – these nine and ten-year-olds actually ask (or intimate to) each other ‘Can I play with you?’, and deem it such a kind and wonderful act, that it is worthy of a written testimonial. She played with me. Or she let me play with her. The use of ‘let’ still fills me with wonder when I think about it.

Being more than just kind

• I have a great fondness for the kind children I know. But it is the children who exhibit a certain consciousness and perceptiveness that really floor me. Once, I had to ask four children separately to explain a playground incident that involved hitting. Three of them described the situation: what had happened, who had started it. One child, however, took the time to explain to me what he thought – that the offending child had been wrong but it was because he had been pushed to an emotional edge. ‘I think he couldn’t help himself, Ms.  And I understand why he lost control.’  Some children are smart, and some are emotionally-conscious. I feel that is a step-up from merely being kind – he was able to put himself in the shoes of someone who wasn’t so kind, and see the bigger picture.

• When you meet the parents of children, you almost always understand why their children are the way they are. Nine out of ten times, I would go: “Ahh, that’s why. I get it.”

The Growth Mindset: Embracing Mistakes

• Kindness is big and important. The growth mindset is, however, probably the single most powerful thing you could help a child develop, the notion that you may not be good at something yet. You’re not stupid or bad with numbers, and it’s perfectly okay to make errors. That, just like learning to swim or ride a bike, hard things like arithmetic get easier if you practise more and learn from your mistakes. Many times it is not intellectual or academic capability, but attitude or mindset that powers them through. I found that in my class, reminding children of this seemed to make them feel more relieved and confident, willing to take on more mental risks and challenges.

• The children who have exasperated me most are not the ones who find the work challenging or who do not get it. The children who make me feel like pulling my hair out sometimes are the ones who repeatedly say ‘I need help’ when they didn’t really attempt things in the first place. During these times of online schooling, you really see which ones are self-starters with a growth mindset. One of my girls tells me ‘Ms, I don’t know how to do this.’ A second later she says, ‘Don’t worry about it, I’ll figure it out.’ Five minutes later she has worked it all out herself.  One child, who is really quite bright, needs handholding for two days about how to resolve tech issues. Another will tell me excitedly how she has, in a day, taught herself how to overcome the tech issue and has taught her other peers as well. I’ll always remember this now as a teacher and mum.

Better methods for better behaviour

• One day, my pupil told me two older children were saying nasty things to him. I marched my pupil to the older children’s class and related this to their class teacher. I expected some horrified scolding and disciplinary action. Their class teacher, all calm and filled with smiles, firmly told my child how she would be dealing with her children later. (I don’t doubt that she gave them an earful that afternoon). “But now,” she said to my child, “I want to focus on you, and how they will make it up to you.” She enthusiastically told him how her two children would apologise and spend the next few days looking for him during playtime. They were to ask him if he would like to play, and to say one nice thing to him every day that week. Her children were embarrassed but not humiliated, my child felt empowered and special, and I was in awe. It was the way she announced all of this as well, as if she were organising a party instead of meting out consequences. A brief but effective masterclass. Teachers are always still learning from each other.
• Parents often expect their children to be amazing and wonderful readers, but when I gently ask their parents about the reading culture in their homes, they admit they do not read themselves. Children learn most by watching us, and watch what we pay attention to.

Teacher and mum: Do we have real allies or not?

• Sometimes the people closest to teachers and mothers, great allies such as good friends or even partners, may not truly understand the mental and physical load of these roles. They may say they understand things well, but sometimes their words or actions do not reflect ally-like behaviour. Senior leaders may have forgotten what it’s like being in the classroom, friends may offer passive-aggressive judgments on your performance as a friend or colleague. If our closest allies do not truly understand us, how do we – teachers and mothers – expect the working world to make conditions better and more favourable for us in our multi-faceted roles?

• People think teachers are amazing superhumans and that mothers are even more so. But amidst the public respect and adulation, come the deep cracks and moments of despair that a teacher or mother faces alone during challenging, exhausting times. I’m not going to lie, dear reader, it was a low day today, and exhaustion got the better of me. During a break in the craziness of online schooling with my school children, my actual children buried me under pillows, cushions and blankets for some fun. Two thoughts went through my head as their giggling became more muffled and it got darker and darker. One, it is getting difficult to breathe. Two, it is rather nice to be in this stillness and quiet, so I don’t mind.  Yikes.  So if you’re feeling that your child’s teacher is probably doing things wrong, perhaps spare a thought that it is a tough day, and we may not have things all together sometimes. Sod the maths work, and just do what makes you and your child happy.

What kind of lessons should we focus on now?

So how do I end an odd piece like this? Maybe to say these are times that everyone is re-evaluating, shifting and learning new things about themselves and each other. Perhaps we should take the opportunity to view learning and education differently.

As a teacher, I try to teach my children in ways I know their parents may not be familiar with. I try to think about how parents may currently be anxious and stressed too, and I try to encourage my kids to just be helpful and aware of their parents.

As a parent, I am so thankful that my child’s teacher has taught him all the things that he needs to learn, and it leaves me space to teach him things I feel he can learn best from me, and with me. I’d hopefully like my child to see me exhausted and expressing sadness or distress, and how we can comfort and pick each other up. I hope he sees that his dad and mum get into disagreements and come out with apologies and compromises. I hope he learns that his parents also want to focus on making family and friends laugh and feel good during these times.

Most of all, as a teacher and mum, I would want all my children to know that we are all still learning with each other. That there are no perfect superheroes around right now, and that all of us can only do the best that we humanly can.

 

From us at makchic, Happy Teacher’s Day to all teachers!

The post Navigating The Time of Coronavirus as a Teacher and Mum appeared first on Makchic.

No one could have predicted the impact of the Covid-19 virus. It has not only affected our health but completely changed the way we live and has brought the global economy to a near halt.

In Malaysia, the enforcement of the Movement Control Order (MCO) to slow the spread of the virus has cost us an estimated RM2.4 billion daily. According to Bank Negara Malaysia (BNM), this pandemic will cause Malaysia’s economic growth to be in the -2.0 percent to +0.5 percent range and an estimated 951,000 people will be unemployed. It is also estimated that 40% of Small and Medium-sized Enterprises (SMEs) might force to shut down.

To lessen the effects of Covid-19 on our economy, the government has given individuals cash handouts and special incentives to businesses. Banking institutions have also offered a six-month automatic deferment of all loans. However, this can only go so far. We asked several mumpreneurs to share how the Covid-19 pandemic has impacted them and how they are weathering the storm.

“It is important to collaborate with your fellow entrepreneurs” – Iman Kamarudin, Petit Moi

Being a predominantly online-operated business, Iman Kamarudin of Petit Moi already had a framework in place to operate during the MCO. They just needed to make adjustments for everyone to work remotely and to find alternatives to selling at their usual pop-up stores during the Ramadan period. 

On tips to survive the MCO, Iman shared that it is imperative to adapt to the situation and reassess business strategies continually. “This cannot be said enough and we’ve seen it time and time again, businesses that thrive are the ones that are dynamic.”

“I also think it is important to collaborate with your fellow entrepreneurs – this could be by information-sharing or even working on projects together. This pandemic has shown that we are all interrelated and we all need to help and work together for everyone to survive.”

“When the MCO was announced, all my bookings were cancelled” – Ummi Nasir, MakeupbyUmmiNasir

Makeup artist Ummi Nasir‘s job requires her to glam up her clients for events and special occasions.  Which is why once the MCO was announced all her bookings were cancelled. 

With the uncertainties on when the Conditional Movement Control Order (CMCO) will be lifted, Ummi must think of ways to sustain her business.

“Currently, I am creating more online content and conducting makeup classes online. I hope that after all this ends, people will not be worried about hiring us makeup artists (due to the close proximity required). However, I know that rezeki is in God’s hands and I hope we can all bounce back and get back to work soon.”

“The biggest challenge for us is strategising our cash management” – Qistina Taff, Serai Group

Being in the Food & Beverage (F&B) business, Serai Group operates 363 days a year. Although they had anticipated the MCO and having to close all the their outlets, it still left them in disarray, according to Qistina Taff of Serai Group.

“The biggest challenge for us is strategising our cash management. With zero income, we still had to pay wages, outstanding payments to suppliers, high utility bills and maintain our central kitchen. We had to quickly restructure our entire financial system to cope. The six-month loan moratorium offered by financial institutions as well as the Employment Retention Programme (ERP) by PERKESO has helped lighten the load for us.”

With the easing of the lockdown, all their outlets are back in operations, however things are far from normal. “We are trying our best to positively embrace this ‘new normal.’ We have to rethink the concept of a conventional dining experience and innovate to adapt to our current situation.” 

“Learn to rest, but never quit” – Zaznuriah Zahir, Nuria

For Zaznuriah Zahir of Nuria, the MCO does have its silver linings. “At times, it can be pretty overwhelming and stressful as I try to keep up with motherhood – parenting, school work, allowing my kids rest time by watching tv or playing while ensuring the house is in spick and span condition. However, I revel in the fact that I get to spend more time with my kids – doing everything and nothing at the same time.”

When this pandemic is over, Zaznuriah hopes that “we will all bounce back healthier – our country, our businesses, our general wellbeing. The MCO had given us ample time to reflect on what is truly essential, by having less and doing more.” 

On how to overcome challenges, Zaznuriah’s advice is straightforward, yet crucial – never give up. “Have faith, and truly, grit and resilience will get you a long way. If you believe in something, put your mind to it and find ways to achieve it. And if exhaustion comes knocking, learn to rest but never quit.” 

“I hope that small homegrown brands such as ours continue to get the love and support from the community and society” – Zubaidah Eusoff, The Manja Co.

The Manja Company is a Malaysian brand of baby diapers with the mission to reduce the cost of living of fellow Malaysians. With many losing incomes due to the MCO, Zubaidah and her team has risen to the occasion to help those in need.

“My co-founders and I started an initiative called Let’s Help! Charity by The Manja Company. This involves the public donating funds to this cause. In turn, we will help provide our baby diapers to children of underprivileged parents, single mothers, and refugees. Most of this work is done in collaboration with existing charities and NGOs such as Darul Mujtaba, Yellow House KL, and The Hope Branch. So far, we have facilitated donations of almost 200 packs of Nappies to families all over Malaysia, and we are very honoured and happy to be able to contribute towards helping others in need, especially in these uncertain and challenging times.”

Moving forward, Zubaidah hopes that small, homegrown brands such as theirs will continue to get the love and support from the community and society at large. “It has not been easy trying to maintain or even grow our business due to the many restrictions during the MCO, and the ‘new norm’ that we all need to adapt too. However, I believe that my team and I will be able to do so by continuing to be perseverant, dedicated, flexible, creative and conscientious people.”

“Instagram lets you pin other small businesses to show your support – please use it!” – Amanda Sura, Suravont

For Amanda Sura of Suravont, makers of natural artisan soaks, soaps and scrubs, their biggest challenge was the disruption to their process flow due to the MCO. “It is frustrating for us when we can’t control it. We had occasions when parcels arrive late or have gotten lost in the mail, and our labels and stickers aren’t printed on time. We are also getting fewer bulk orders since there are no weddings or corporate events running at the moment.” 

“We’ve looked into doing micro-campaigns to keep our brand awareness going and tried using third party delivery to send our products to our customers. As for bulk orders, we opened it up to no minimum orders. A sale is a sale!”

Despite the adversity, Amanda remains calm and grateful. She urges the community to continue supporting each other through social media. “I love the new feature on Instagram which lets you pin other small businesses to show your support – please use it!”

“My priority is making sure that the business can sustain to pay my staff” – Wendy Foo, Summer and Peach

Rethinking business strategies and eventually expanding their range of products has helped Wendy and her team weather the MCO. Fortunately, as an online-based business, they are not hit as bad as other sectors.

“We’re beyond grateful and know that it’s only right to extend our helping hands to others. My priority is making sure that the business can sustain to pay my staff. Thereafter, contributing what we can to help people who are really in need, like donating to #Mums4Mums to support the single and vulnerable mums.”

Post the coronavirus pandemic, Wendy hopes that communities will continue supporting each other. “It’s so heart-warming seeing people from all walks of life working together to combat this crisis. No groups of people should be left behind.” For businesses to survive, Wendy believes it is essential to get connected with other entrepreneurs as there is so much wisdom we can learn that’ll help us make better business decisions. “Be flexible, be bold in making the change that needs to happen, there will be solutions.”

“There’s always good in each day, and being positive doesn’t mean that everything is perfect” – Jenn Low, Wanderlust + Co

As the founder of Wanderlust + Co, leading the team through this Covid-19 period has been a real challenge for Jenn Low. No two days are the same and there are always unexpected situations that pop up on daily. “Along the way, I’ve come to realise that the only thing we’re in control of is our reaction to situations, and the importance of staying grateful and grounded. There’s always good in each day, and being positive doesn’t mean that everything is perfect – it’s trusting that things can and will be better with collective direction and effort.

“My team has been taking it all in stride, and the stress of changes aside, I dare say we have surprised ourselves on how
creative we can be, and how much change we can drive when we come together, committed as one.The fashion industry has had a huge wake-up call with this pandemic – having to slow down and reevaluate its methods, and rethink how it engages the global community and its audience in general.”

“My advice for other entrepreneurs is that we tend to be so hard on ourselves, and take so much upon ourselves. The line between home and work can be blurred with the work-from-home setup, so it’s crucial to be able to call it a day. Honour the work you’ve done, and allow yourself rest before coming back at it again tomorrow.”

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All images belong to the respective mumprenuers.

The post How mumpreneurs are surviving the MCO appeared first on Makchic.

The ‘R’ word. It’s both simply descriptive and politically loaded, and is the basis for many uncomfortable realities. Most recently, there has been an explosion of reactions to the killings of African-Americans in the US with #blacklivesmatter in many social media posts.

Some might argue that there’s no need to talk about race with my son Alex. We’re in Singapore, not the US; there aren’t members of the citizenry hunting down minority joggers. Why bring this into his life?

Of course, the answer is that race is very much a part of his life and all of ours. Here are some things I have done or plan to do:

Recognise my own biases

When I was growing up, none of the books or TV shows I watched reflected my life. I was obsessed with Enid Blyton’s Malory Towers, about British girls in boarding school in England – about as far from my experience as could be. There was a time I remember watching footage of myself that my uncle had filmed and thought – oh, how strange that a person who looks like me should speak English so well. I seemed completely alien to myself.

Then there was my grandmother, whom I spent a lot of time with as a child. She showed contempt for people who were dark-skinned, and used racist epithets to describe them. Gradually, I understood these were wrong, but I inevitably absorbed this and the lack of representation in my makeup.

I haven’t talked explicitly about these sorts of things with Alex, and I should, even if it makes me uncomfortable. It models for your child that you’re still learning about yourself and growing. Not sure if you have any biases? You probably do, but you could try this test, a Harvard project.

Protagonists of different stripes

It can be a challenge to make sure Alex’s books, TV shows and movies have more representation than mine as a child because white British/American characters still dominate. But they are out there, and I find that these tend to take two tacks. Either the story is culturally homogeneous, with a protagonist who happens not to be white (e.g. Doc McStuffins), or the fact that the main character who isn’t white is built into the details of the story. For example in their names, food they eat, family customs (e.g. the Sam Wu series written by Katie Tsang). 

I think there are benefits to both types. Alex is exposed to different ‘default settings’ in the first instance, where race is but one of the characteristics of the protagonist. In the second, his investment in the characters is a stepping stone to notice and recognise differences, and sympathise with challenges. 

You also want your child to see role models of all races, so they can see the possibilities for themselves. There have been many articles recently that have touched on this, including this one.

Making room for open discussions

Here’s a little nutshell of a story about the complications of racial description and identity. I was describing someone as black, to which Alex said “You shouldn’t say that – that’s not nice.” Even though I was using it as a physical attribute for someone with African descent, Alex perceived it to be a pejorative term. What resulted was a conversation where we talked about who is usually described as black, and that it’s purely descriptive, not good or bad.

Part 2 came a few weeks later, in talking about a friend of his who is mixed Chinese and white but is quite naturally tanned, when Alex said “He’s a bit black”. So we had another conversation about race vs. nationality, where I pointed to different people in our lives as examples i.e. Charlie’s race is Japanese, and his nationality is British, or Amin is Malay and he’s from Singapore, or Ines’ mother is originally Algerian and her father is white, but they are French. 

I have no doubt he will continue to make mistakes with this, as will I. What is important to me is that when he asks a question that may sound silly to my adult ears, I have to tamp down the urge to say “Of course!” or “Of course not!” and instead ask “What makes you ask that?” or “What do you think?” before presenting an answer which I try not to make definitive if I’m not sure myself.

Expand and deepen your circle

When I lived in China, there were foreigners around me who deliberately made friends with Chinese people mainly to practise their language skills. It struck me as crass and utilitarian at the time. So I’m not suggesting you seek out friends of different races to plug into your child’s life for the sake of it.

Rather, when the opportunity presents itself, engage with the parents and encourage the friendship. If nothing comes of it, fine. But just be a bit more mindful of how easy it is to be blinded to the experiences of other people if you are only exposed to people of the same race/economic circumstances. I’m guilty of this too.

Alex has swim lessons with kids who come from backgrounds very different from the ones in his school, and it has never occurred to me to invite them for play dates or birthday parties, because he’s not close to them. But maybe something could develop out of the pool if there was an opportunity.

Educate yourself

Here are some resources that have given me food for thought:

10 tips for teaching and talking to kids about race – a succinct list to consider for yourselves. It’s written from an American perspective but would certainly be useful for our contexts in Malaysia as well.

The recent events in the US is what led me to this video (as below) showing black parents talking to their children about the police. I decided to show this to Alex, who went through incomprehension followed quickly by boredom, both a consequence of his sheltered privilege, and a sign that there’s more work to be done on my part.

If you haven’t already, you should watch this 1970s video of Jane Elliot’s experiment separating brown and blue eyed children to teach them about racism. It’s compelling viewing on how to encourage children to be more empathetic in an experiential way.

The post How to not raise a racist child appeared first on Makchic.

“Abah, Happy Father’s Day!”

“What’s this?” my father asked.

“It’s a necktie. I bought it with Mak,” says an 8-year-old me.

My celebration with Abah was very predictable. It has always been a vicious repeat of gifts: neckties, shirts and wallets. Now that I am a father myself, I have realised that sometimes it is the simplest experiences that bring the most joy.

So kids, if you ask me what I would like for Father’s Day, this would be my list:

1. Let me control the home remote control, for once

On Father’s Day, maybe we can watch what I want instead? Let me choose a movie or a series that we can watch together. I promise that it will not be a dull one. It will be nice if you can get snacks and drinks – and of course, I get the best seat. With the Premier League restarting, perhaps we can watch a game of football together and be dressed in our favourite teams’ kit (Ok you can stop rolling your eyes now)

2. How about a match of FIFA? We can do Animal Crossing too

My PS4 game time is now occupied with Minecraft. For Father’s Day, it would be awesome if I can have a FIFA match between your uncle and me. You can support me kick your uncle’s a**. If you insist on playing Animal Crossing on the Nintendo Switch, can I be the leader and set the place up?

3. Gimme some lovin’

Who says big boys do not need hugs? I love them! I would love a great big hug from you and your mum and be told how much you love and appreciate me. What more on Father’s Day.

4. Steak dinner for me, please!

The idea of a nice meal, especially with a big juicy steak sounds great. It can be at a nice restaurant or just at home. Oh! Perhaps we can even have a big family BBQ dinner, at the porch or the garden and celebrate your granddads too.

5. How I met your mother… 

Go ahead and spend the day asking me anything. I would love to share how I met your mother, how I took the Intrakota bus to meet Poetic Ammo (they were a really cool local hip hop group) or even about my favourite lepak joint before I became domesticated. I may even let you in on a secret on how to escape the rotan based on my experiences with your Atok and Opah.

6. Priceless treasures hunt

If you have time, maybe let’s do a treasure hunt around the house. Hide some items that are memorable to you and tell me why it is significant. They can be photos, my written words or things that we created or purchased together.

7. A little bit on the lower back

Who doesn’t love a backrub? The long hours of video meetings have caused a strain on my back. I love the warmth of your love taking care of me.

8. Teman me out today?

Perhaps you can help me with the errands, get the groceries or meals for the day? I would love your company. We can also have a stroll at the park, or even go on a short hike at the forest reserve.

9. If you insist on a gift for me…

I know I already have 60-odd pairs of shoes and I only have a pair of feet. But I just love collecting shoes! It doesn’t have to be pricey, I will love them just because you got it for me for Father’s Day. If your mum doesn’t agree, how about adding to my collection of LEGO Mini Figures or my Star Wars battleships?

10. You are great!

Maybe I am asking too much from you, perhaps let’s keep it truly simple. Just tell me how special I am in your own words. I would love to read what you really think of me and not just what is printed in the Father’s Day card. Or you could fill up a jar with words you would use to describe me. That would be interesting.

Father’s Day doesn’t have to be an elaborate celebration. I am sure all fathers out there would agree, the greatest joy is to be celebrated with one intent – knowing that we are appreciated and loved for all that we have done thus far.

Here’s wishing all father figures a Happy Father’s Day!

All gifs are from www.giphy.com

By Ikhwan Nazaruddin

The post Gift ideas for Dads, by a Dad appeared first on Makchic.